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Cosplay Caption Contest
- Session #2 -
Of all the pleasant surprises I've had in my life, finding
out that the Cosplay Caption Contest was, in fact,
something that people actually wanted to participate in really
wasn't that significant in the grand scheme of things. I'm going
to pretend like it was, however, because I couldn't think of
anything interesting to write for this introduction. So like I
was saying, the popularity of this feature surprised me because
A) the people who post on my forums aren't exactly easy to
persuade to participate in a group activity thanks to every
single member having the attention span of a gnat, and B) the
premise of the CCC relies on people having to do something that
you normally couldn't pay a bunch of starving Somali refugees to
do: looking at pictures of ugly people cosplaying.
Bewildering though it may be, I'm immensely grateful that this
feature has been so well received by the plucky kids who
frequent the forums, for it is their noble sacrifice that has
done so much to help raise awareness of the horrors of terrible
cosplay. Severe obesity, mental retardation, sterility,
hoof-and-mouth disease, and smallpox are just a few of the many
health risks that science probably assumes can be caused by
dressing up in lame costumes in public. The faster we put an end
to this dangerous lifestyle choice, the better.
Contest #9 (Originally ran 1/05/08)
Winning Caption:
Gene Simmons Jr. vs. Bessie the Milk Cow. Round Two. FIGHT!
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
The San Francisco Zoo is under heavy fire again as a deadly
snake and raging hippopotamus escape their enclosures on the
same day!
- Sway
Orochimaru: Aw, my Fruit by the Foot is almost gone!
- Mysty
"Hey, someone help, that guy stole two of my watermelons!
Someone, stop him! I can't leave the stand! Somebody please
help- ACK!"
- Don Kanonji
Contest #10 (Originally ran 1/12/08)
Winning Caption:
"I'm gonna get that inheritance money grandma."
"Over my dead body!"
"Okay!"
- Kvitne
Honorable Mentions:
"Roll up! Roll up! $2 to stab the anime cosplayer! $1 extra for
you to dress up too!"
- Homer DJW
Exhibit A during a small claims court case regarding the
reckless tearing of the plaintiff's bed sheets.
- Sway
Thus proving "HAMLET IN SPACE" is a bad idea.
- PP_Abridger
Contest #11 (Originally ran 1/19/08)
Winning Caption:
Unfortunately, Jimmy's performance in his "Nude, Sore-Ridden
Sambo" outfit didn't sit so well at the NAACP Image Awards
ceremony...
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
Here, we observe the Nerdy Incompetent Dipshit (Nerdius
Incompentius Dipshittius) in its natural habitat.
- Razordogz
Hey, it's the unofficial Starbucks mascot.
- The Hutch
When I'm high I see fucking Pokemon everywhere. That's my
anti-drug.
- Kvitne
Contest #12 (Originally ran 1/26/08)
Winning Caption:
A snapshot from the Yu-Gi-Oh tournament recently held at Big
Dick Willie's Rollerdisco and Hot Dog Depot.
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
"Yes, this is my son, and yes I do touch him...."
- Homer DJW
Am I the only one who can see that Yami-Yugi has tits? Those are
most undoubtedly tits. I know what I am talking about, this is
my thing. And unless you can prove me otherwise, I am convinced
that is a not-man.
- The Hutch
OK change my above quote to 'daughter' instead of 'son'.
- Homer DJW
Contest #13 (Originally ran 2/02/08)
Winning Caption:
Cosplay is an activity the whole family can enjoy. Mom, Older
Sister, Little Johnny... Even Grandpa can enjoy a day at the
convention.
But when Grandpa enjoys something, Johnny invariably doesn't.
- Zekushionn
Honorable Mentions:
Evangelion: Director's Cut 15: The Later Years
- Homer DJW
Despite how girly and scared this cosplay Shinji is, he's still
more manly than his anime counterpart.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Contest #14 (Originally ran 2/09/08)
Winning Caption:
It appears some monks just tried to use some sutras to seal away
the monster from Stephen King's "It".
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
First shots from Ghostbusters: Japan. It's the new Stay
Puft Marshmallow Man! ...er woman... No, no I was right. Man.
- Kvitne
Conclusive proof not only of Bigfoot, but of Bigfoot's penchant
for uniforms worn by Italian accordion players' dancing monkey
assistants.
- Sway
Even Mrs. Claus's sex pictures aren't safe from hackers.
- PP_Abridger
Contest #15 (Originally ran 2/16/08)
Winning Caption:
"I wear this wrestling belt because I wrestle daily with my
weight. Oh, I'm not trying to eat less and exercise more, but I
can't afford a proper corset, so this will have to do."
- Sway
Honorable Mentions:
White Shaft - Episode 26: Choke a Bitch!
- The Hutch
What? Little Richard defeated Buu? Damn, I gotta start watching
Dragonball Z again.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Contest #16 (Originally ran 2/23/08)
Winning Caption:
Although the "sexy astronaut" theme went over well with readers,
Playboy's decision to feature a pre-op transsexual Asian man
with flapjacks for breasts as a centerfold model resulted in the
most subscription cancellations the magazine had seen since
their infamous gymnastic amputee issue.
- Don Kanonji
Honorable Mentions:
Wednesday night is Cosplay Night at the Pegasus gay strip club.
- Sans Rival
We've long since prepared for women with horrifying bodies
cosplaying like this... But nothing could prepare us for the
newest brand of horror...
BUTTERFACE COSPLAY!
- Shmeckie
That's it for this session, folks. Hope you enjoyed this one as
much as I didn't! And as for that churning, agonizing pain
you're currently feeling deep in your stomach, you have only
yourself to blame. Yourself, and roughly a dozen unsightly anime
nerds who possess no trace of respect for their fellow man.
Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at
achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the
Project
AFTER Forums and then submit your own cuttingly clever comments to
the Cosplay Caption Contest!
Go on; joining the boards won't cost you a thing. Plus, if you sign up
in the next twenty minutes, you'll get a free t-shirt!*
*Free t-shirts require payments of $39.95
to cover
shipping and handling costs. |
