|
Cosplay Caption Contest
- Session #3 -
I hope you folks at home are ready for some more pictures of
the newest cutting edge styles in the nerd fashion world,
because I've got the results of eight more Cosplay Caption
Contests lined up for your viewing pleasure.
If you're wondering how I'm able to find all these images of
costumed horror, my methods involve getting massively
intoxicated and typing terms such as "bad cosplay", "awful
cosplay", "terrible soul-crushing cosplay", and "afgasdbh
ci;osahd" into Google. After that, all it takes is a keen eye
and a hearty dose of self-loathing to spot the keepers. No, I
don't actually take the pictures myself, nor do I give the
original photographers credit for their work. I do, however,
show my appreciation for the folks who snap these shots by
submitting their e-mail addresses to a variety of bestiality
subscription sites and online newsgroups for both the KKK and
the Neo-Nazi movement. Because fuck them for putting this shit
on the internet, anyway. Since starting this feature, my
nightmares have become literally nothing but pasty teenagers in
neon blue and purple wigs.
While I go pour myself a nice tall glass of homemade bathtub
gin, please enjoy the following collection of social rejects
using insane outfits to advertise their status as virgins to the
world.
Contest #17 (Originally ran
3/01/08)
Winning Caption:
The birth defects caused by radiation from the bombings of
Hiroshima and Nagasaki are still seen decades later. Photo
credit: William DeKay, National Geographic.
- Sway
Honorable Mentions:
Contrary to the suggested innuendo, the guy with the blue hair
is actually the one who sucks cocks.
- The Hutch
I'm thinking this leads to so many suicides, the streets will be
as empty as the ones in I Am Legend.
- Homer DJW
Jesus did his best to hide his anger after Buddha convinced him
to shave his beard and go cosplaying with him.
- Shmeckie
Contest #18 (Originally ran
3/08/08)
Winning Caption:
"OH GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOSHI?! STOP THAT! STOP THAT!"
- The Hutch
Honorable Mentions:
They may be eight-bit characters, but unfortunately the costumes
are merely two-bit.
- Sway
Sheik, after spending most of her money on new skin-tight pants,
couldn't afford a good wrap, so she just settled for toilet
paper.
- Mysty
Contest #19 (Originally ran
3/15/08)
Winning Caption:
You see?! You see?! This is why people are scared
shitless of what goes on at Burning Man!
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
Gentlemen, we can make him even gayer; we have the technology.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
I'd make a comment about Tinkle having tits or abnormally huge
feet, but I feel I'm above that. Instead, I'll add that she
looks like she has a boner on her head.
- The Hutch
Contest #20 (Originally ran
3/22/08)
Winning Caption:
The Sailor Scout's newest joint attack: Sexually Harass the Only
Normal Girl There.
- Mysty
Honorable Mentions:
"You have a choice, normie. Either the breasts must be shrunk,
or the belly must be enlarged. This life-changing choice will be
left to you!" *Cue nerd laughter*
- Homer DJW
Green Girl: She doesn't taste like a nerdy otaku in drag...
Blonde: I don't know, let's poke her chest and see.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Hey, I thought Uranus and Neptune were the lesbians.
- Serra
Contest #21 (Originally ran
3/29/08)
Winning Caption:
They contacted MacGuyver, telling him to make them costumes
using only construction paper, a sleeping bag, and some bed
sheets. Even MacGuyver has his limits...
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
Question: Who the hell do you think we are?
Answer: Eternal virgins without social lives.
- Caim
Is that a dude or a dudette on the left? If it's a dude, his
sister's gonna be pissed when she finds out where her bras went.
- Homer DJW
Don't hate the cosplaya, hate the game.
- Sway
Contest #22 (Originally ran
4/05/08)
Winning Caption:
Due to a decline in attendance at sumo wrestling matches,
gimmick-driven matches are now being held. These matches combine
wrestling with cosplay to form one big, fat, nerdy fuckfest.
Instead of honbasho, these tournaments are commonly called "hornydorkbasho."
- Kvitne
Honorable Mentions:
Once Krispy Kreme opened their first chain in Japan, things
started to go downhill.
- T_K_17
Too bad Bufflo Bill and his little brother's latest scheme to
eat Naruto and Inuyasha and then wear their skins didn't work as
planned.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Inuyasha and Naruto sure are troopers... Keeping their heads
held high after being anally raped by that bicycle pump...
*sniff* They're an inspiration!
- Shmeckie
Contest #23 (Originally ran
4/12/08)
Winning Caption:
See, bitches?! That Yaoi shit ain't so pretty in real life! And
you can't tell me that Ed cosplayer isn't flamingly gay.
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
Robert Smith gets nailed by David Bowie! Film at eleven.
- Mr. Dave
The 2005 Freestyle Glomping National Champs.
- Sway
Contest #24 (Originally ran
4/19/08)
Winning Caption:
(Singing) "I represent the pathetic geek guild. The pathetic
geek guild. The pathetic geek guild. As a representative of the
pathetic geek guild, I wish to welcome you to Otaku Land."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Honorable Mentions:
Jigsaw's traps began to get less creative after Saw IV.
- Homer DJW
"In local news, a more effective campaign for abstinence
education was recently unveiled at the local civic center..."
- ExpensiveConcubine
Never thought they'd make a live-action TV series based on
obscure comic superheroine Bondage Shovel...
- Shmeckie
That's it for this session, folks. If you managed to avoid
becoming sexually aroused while viewing the images on this page,
then congratulations! You get to live.
Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at
achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the
Project
AFTER Forums and then submit your own cuttingly clever comments to
the Cosplay Caption Contest!
Bonus offer: Join the boards in the next 10 minutes and we'll
waive the standard $36 sigh-up fee! What a deal! |
