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Cosplay Caption Contest
- Session #4 -
Even though I only receive a single piece of e-mail from
readers of the site once every nine to ten months on average, I
suspect that if people did contact me more frequently, I'd get
at least a few complaints regarding this site's negative
portrayal of cosplayers. Well imaginary complainers, let me tell
YOU something! Though you may chastise this site and its many
dedicated supporters for disrespecting the art of cosplay, I
could very well do the same to you for disrespecting the art of
cosplay critique. As Dave Chappelle and the ghost of Henry James
will both tell you, hating on stuff isn't easy. Especially when
there's just so much to hate.
Without a doubt, quality caption construction is a skill that
often goes unappreciated. That's why I'm dedicating this set of
entries in the Cosplay Caption Contest to the proud men and
women who gave their time and energy to think up such
magnificent ways to verbally disgrace colorblind anime geeks.
Thanks, everybody. Thanks for sharing my dream of bringing shame
to those who have none.
Contest #25 (Originally ran
4/26/08)
Winning Caption:
Despite copious amounts of bad goth makeup and cheap dimestore
wigs, there was no way to butch up Good Charlotte. They will
remain woefully effete and lame.
- ExpensiveConcubine
Honorable Mentions:
It's KISS... if Japan had won the war.
- Mr. Dave
This is the worst mime troupe ever. Seriously.
- The Hutch
Contest #26 (Originally ran
5/03/08)
Winning Caption:
Congratulations, you have successfully managed to look like a
combination of a chicken, a penis, a dog, and a clown. Touché,
my friend. Touché.
- Kvitne
Honorable Mentions:
"Has anyone seen my dignity? I traded it in for this crappy
costume."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
"Why won't Sonic fall in love with me?! WHY?!"
- The Hutch
This doesn't need a caption. It just needs sad violin music
playing as a tear rolls down the guy's face.
- Homer DJW
Contest #27 (Originally ran
5/10/08)
Winning Caption:
This metrosexual Mad Hatter has had it up to HERE with your
shit! It did NOT graduate from the martial arts school of the
Almighty Freeweight to deal with this kind of bullshit!
- Shmeckie
Honorable Mentions:
This is why we shouldn't let hippies and mimes breed, damn it!
- Serra
Little did our cosplayer know that her pet parrot hadn't gone
missing, but had exploded on her face hours ago.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Contest #28 (Originally ran
5/17/08)
Winning Caption:
The winners of the NCAA Women's Doubles Tennis Championship.
Their winning strategy was to stay on the court while their
competitors fled after a nearby oil refinery exploded.
- Don Kanonji
Honorable Mentions:
It's a preview from an upcoming episode of the MILEY AND MANDY
SHOOOOOW.
- Zekushionn
"They said if we stood here for five more minutes, we'd get some
free heroine."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Contest #29 (Originally ran
5/24/08)
Winning Caption:
Vice is nice, but incest is best; it's a game the whole family
can play.
With costumes like that, and bodies so fat, it's the only way
those kids'll get laid.
- ExpensiveConcubine
Honorable Mentions:
"No need to thank me, ma'am! It's just another day's work in the
life of the Chunky Avenger! Now, I must be going, for
that nearby Dunkin Donuts needs... protection..."
- Shmeckie
Try and guess which one is female. You may be surprised!
- T_K_17
Contest #30 (Originally ran
5/31/08)
Winning Caption:
The producers of Blind Date: Japanese Edition found it hard to
get the same high caliber contestants that its western
counterpart enjoyed.
- Homer DJW
Honorable Mentions:
One of these things is not like the others, one of these things
just doesn't belong!
- The Hutch
After the 78th season, it was clear that 'What Not to Wear' was
running out of ideas.
- ExpensiveConcubine
Contest #31 (Originally ran
6/07/08)
Winning Caption:
And you thought it was bad when Hillary Clinton took the shot of
whiskey in Indiana to try and court a demographic.
- Sway
Honorable Mentions:
Trainer: So, why'd you want to wear the Pikachu costume?
Pikachu: So no one would recognize my face. You fat dork.
- Serra
"Hurry, Pikachu, I think I see Team Rocket! ...And your mother
waiting to pick us up."
- Razordogz
"Wait, stop! Stop... Wouldn't you rather rape that other
plus-sized fashion model... over THERE?"
- Don Kanonji
Contest #32 (Originally ran
6/14/08)
Winning Caption:
Worst tampon costume ever!
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
Honorable Mentions:
"Mom got mad at me because I went through about twenty garbage
bags before I got this look exactly right."
- Mysty
Marilyn Manson's reimaged image was blamed for the celebrity's
latest album being used to pave roads in China.
- Homer DJW
Holy shit, Ziggy Stardust just got his ass kicked!
- Shmeckie
That's it for this session, folks. There are still many more
costumed nerds out there to laugh at, but we'll save them for
another day. For right now, just focus on getting some rest. You
deserve it.
Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at
achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the
Project
AFTER Forums and then submit your own cuttingly clever comments to
the Cosplay Caption Contest!
You can also use your forum account for other fun activities
such as arguing and sexual harassment. |
