Cosplay Caption Contest
 

- Session #5 -

 

Since the dawn of civilization, people have used clothing not only for physical protection and modesty, but also as a method of personal expression. The garments one chooses to wear can advertise one's age, occupation, social status, lineage, religious beliefs, favorite 80s metal bands, and even whether or not they are, in fact, with stupid. The phrase "clothes make the man" is heard so often it's become something of a cliché, but the truth is that an individual's taste in fashion plays a very large part in defining who they are. This remains true whether you're a man, woman, child, or an androgynous acne-covered wad of lard obsessed with anime.

As you view the following collection of cosplay photos, take note of what the subjects' choice in attire says about them as people—or people-like sewer creatures, as the case may be. Consider carefully what message is being broadcast when someone dresses themselves as a hideous cross between a Pokémon and a British judge from the 1700s, or when a physically unattractive teenage boy gets breast implants and puts on an outfit worn by a female character from a Japanese cartoon show. By studying their manner of dress, we may perhaps learn more about the social behavioral patterns of the cosplayer, and with any luck, gain some insight into this mysterious species that has confounded anthropologists for decades. Pay close attention, because the more we know about cosplayers, the closer we are to finally eradicating them once and for all.
 


Contest #33 (Originally ran 6/21/08)



Winning Caption:

What we can't see is that the sign reads "give us a dollar, OR we'll kiss". We are now seeing the earliest photograph of the world's first trio of female quadrillionaires.
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

Disney's reimaging of the Three Musketeers was a train wreck even at the casting stage.
- Homer DJW

You laugh now, but they vowed they wouldn't eat until they made $50. Guess how big they were when they started.
- NiGHTS Noob

If only their parents had taught them the dangers of prostitution and obesity...
- Selatein
 


Contest #34 (Originally ran 8/16/08)



Winning Caption:

And they said 18th century French fashion couldn't get any gayer.
- Sway

Honorable Mentions:

"Observe, gentlemen: not only have the costumes mated but produced viable offspring as well!"
- Viashino_wizard

"...Wow, that's quite an act! What do you call it?"
"We call it... The Aristocrats!"
- The Hutch
 


Contest #35 (Originally ran 8/23/08)



Winning Caption:

The guy with blue hair was greatly surprised that the fat whores agreed to be in the picture with him and his friends.
- awesumof2+2

Honorable Mentions:

Little did the guy in the middle know, he was about to be lunch.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

Is the guy wearing the bandana the only one in this bulimia support group who remembers to purge?
- stjimmy
 


Contest #36 (Originally ran 12/20/08)



Winning Caption:

They were going to bring real food and drinks as their props, but unfortunately the one in blue cleaned them out on the way to the con.
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

"On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Diabetes."
- Viashino_wizard

"The real Three Ghosts of Christmas are actually far more frightening than what Dickens came up with."
- Badass Overlord
 


Contest #37 (Originally ran 1/03/09)



Winning Caption:

No one knows why, but to this day Jason Alexander still goes trick-or-treating on Halloween.
- Kvitne

Honorable Mentions:

"...So come on down to Stitchy's Big-and-Tall Man's Shop, where the only things we're slitting are our prices!"
- Shmeckie

Unfortunately, Jack Skellington's adventures in Thanksgiving Day Land were not as magical as his previous adventure in Christmas Land.
- The Two-One-Five

Isn't the fat normally on the outside of the skeleton?
- stjimmy



Contest #38 (Originally ran 1/10/09)



Winning Caption:

It's called "Final Fantasy" because if this is your fantasy then you deserve to die right the hell now.
- stjimmy

Honorable Mentions:

Norman Bates, age sixteen.
- Viashino_wizard

"I'm doing this for the overweight fangirls. I'm doing this for the overweight fangirls. I'm doing this for...Oh hell, I'll just pay for a hooker."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

Man, that is some fast photography! The photographer manage to capture the very instant Heidi's head began to explode!
- Shmeckie



Contest #39 (Originally ran 1/17/09)



Winning Caption:

That, uh, thing on the right flashing the peace sign is actually showing the operation method used to create the thing on the left.
- The Two-One-Five

Honorable Mentions:

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE!?" People who have killed Gurren Lagann, that's who.
- Badass Overlord

Holding that extremely phallic gun was as close as either of them would get to knowing the touch of a man.
- stjimmy



Contest #40 (Originally ran 1/24/09)



Winning Caption:

This is the reason why Shadow of the Colossus 2 shouldn't have been developed by the KKK.
- T_K_17

Honorable Mentions:

Not all the Arrancar made it into Aizen's army. These two took up street performance, and were later beaten up by some mimes for being even lamer than they were.
- Serra

The one on the right looks like a possessed weeping willow while the one on the left looks like a Grudge reject. Damn. Well done, cosplayers.
- Badass Overlord



That's it for this session, folks. May as well put that  glass of poisoned Kool-Aid back in the fridge for next time.

Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the Project AFTER Forums and then submit your own cuttingly clever comments to the Cosplay Caption Contest! Or be a pussy and don't. Instead, go cry about how you never do anything cool or fun because of what a huge pussy you are. You pussy.