Part X: "Collar 6"
(As seen at
What's the first thing you do if you want to find a bad
webcomic? Look at which webcomics are the most popular, of
course! There are entire link databases online where people can
rate webcomics all day, which is great for those of us hunting
for crap because the comics with the most dedicated fanbases
(read: the retards that constantly vote for their favorite
webcomic) are obviously ranked higher on the list. And if you've
learned nothing else from the nine previous Comic Release
articles, it should be that people generally have terrible taste
when it comes to webmanga. A ranked list of the most of the
popular series is practically a bar graph of which webcomics
suck the hardest, all nicely organized for me to browse and
become disgusted by.
Among all the inexplicably popular insults to good taste I
viewed, one in particular stood out to me: Collar 6. Probably
the first webcomic that openly caters to the BDSM-fetish, it at
least had a spark of uniqueness. My expectations were
drastically lowered anyway, because I thought this would be pure
wankfodder like The Wotch is for transgender-fetishists. So
there was no way this could suck even harder than I expected,
right? RIGHT!? RI— Oh no.
Before we start with this suck-fest, a few words to clarify my
position here: I have absolutely nothing against BDSM. This
review will not be some rant by a butthurt moralizer who thinks
the only acceptable way to fuck is in missionary position
through a hole in the sheets and therefore bashes this comic
because he's offended. Explaining my own stances on sexual
ethics would take too long here, but basically, as long as
consenting adults are involved, you can fuck each other six ways
to Sunday for all I care.
The fact of the matter is that I hate Collar 6 not because it
contains BDSM, but because it's poorly written, badly drawn, and
has storylines and characters that are most likely the result of
a drug-fueled night watching Dragon Ball Z and lesbian fetish
porn on a split screen. You might notice that I have some
complaints about this comic that are partially based on moral
grounds; those, however, are merely about the immoral behavior
of certain characters in the story and the fact that this comic
portrays BDSM in an unrealistic and — because some newcomer to
the actual practice might walk away with all the wrong
impressions — potentially dangerous light. Again, I have nothing
against actual BDSM.
With that little disclaimer out of the way, let us (finally)
Oh, for the love of crap... Yet again, the story is the worst part by
far. I barely even know where to start with this. Lucky for me,
the author actually put up an introduction (unlike the comic
itself, which begins in medias res without any kind of context).
And after reading it, I can say without any exaggeration that
this comic's setting is absolutely batshit insane.
Here's what the "about" section says:
"Collar 6 can be described as a BDSM soap opera. It's over
the top sometimes, down to earth other times, and there is very
little of the meeting in between.
The setting is simple: Earth, where BDSM isn't taboo because
there are no puritan notions of modesty that equate sexuality to
Yes, you just read that. It is truly amazing how a concept so
simple can suck in such a myriad of ways. The soap opera part is
at least somewhat accurate, because this shit is more
melodramatic than a menstruating teenaged theater student who
just got dumped by her boyfriend. However, melodrama isn't the
only thing Collar 6 has to offer. At many points it switches
from clichéd "soap opera" to clichéd "shonen anime", and
whenever you get more information about the setting itself, it
makes everything seem so bizarre that you feel like you're
reading a Twilight Zone fanfic.
As for the setting itself, I'll dissect its insanity at the
appropriate parts in the story review, otherwise this thing will
never get off the ground. Speaking of which, lets dive into the
ocean of crazy that is the storyline and the characters, shall
At the beginning of the comic, we see a blonde girl getting a
collar from her mistress, who then takes her new "pet" for a
walk in the park, complete with leash and all. Oh, and did I
mention the latex-fetish outfits? And that both of them have
enormous breasts? Anyway, while in the park, they're predictably
harassed by four men, who immediately get punched in the face by
the mistress, who yells "Hands off my property!"
Her violent outburst gets interrupted by Mrs. One-Dimensional
Sadistic Villain With No Redeeming Qualities who sort of looks
like Mai Valentine in her forties while wearing an even more
preposterous outfit than our two protagonists. "Mistress
Butterfly" then has a "NO U" shouting match with "Sixx", the
red-haired mistress of the blonde, presently unnamed slave girl.
But suddenly, we get our first plot twist! You see, Butterfly's
slave is actually a mistress herself called Trina, with whom
Sixx is apparently familiar. Since she is clearly a slave
against her own will, Sixx then wisely decides NOT to report
this little tidbit to the relevant authorities, but instead
accept the challenge of a "whip-off" by Butterfly — on her terms
no less! In three weeks there will be a bondage festival called
"Spring Rubber Ball", and the challenge will be for Sixx's slave
to endure five minutes of spanking by Butterfly without crying
out her safeword. If she succeeds, Trina is free. If not, Sixx
has to become Butterfly's slave as well.
In case you were wondering, this comic and its story are not a
drug-induced hallucination on my part (though I wish they were).
I've never touched drugs or alcohol in my life and I can tell
you that being completely sober has never been less appealing
than it is right now. I shall carry on without the aid of
mind-altering substances regardless.
The duo makes their way to Sixx's residence, where she lets it
slide that she's actually a billionaire and has never told her
partner anything about that for years, because she wanted her to
know "the real" her. Yes, the "real" her that deceived and lied
to her companion for years. But no biggie, they hug and
everything is fine. So then the door to the mansion opens and we
get introduced to the third main character, Sixx's green-haired
maidservant Ginger (short for "Gingerale"). The blond slave
(named Laura) is not that pleased to see her. Sub-ling rivalry,
Moving on, Sixx finally gets to the part that the teenage
audience of the comic has been eagerly anticipating: The
spanking. As you can imagine, Laura gets off to it. That is,
until Sixx spanks her too hard and she starts screaming. What
does the mistress herself do? Realize that her contest is
bullshit and she's basically just torturing Laura for no reason
when she could call the cops to arrest Butterfly instead? Of
course not. Instead, she gags her so that she stops screaming.
She's basically preventing Laura from using her safeword (a word
that submissives in BDSM use to show that it's going to far and
to prevent harm) because she doesn't want to hear her scream
while viciously whipping her in preparation for even more
sadistic torture at a contest she didn't agree to participate
in. YEAH. To be fair though, she does instead give her a
non-verbal command that the maid is supposed to watch out for.
And since Ginger smiles, Laura gets pissed and hence suppresses
the pain. And describing this is beginning to make my head hurt.
After all the disappointingly non-erotic whipping is finally
over, Sixx orders some coffee for Laura and starts lecturing her
in the garden. Basically, she blames her for getting angry
because she didn't know that Sixx has an entire global harem.
Also, using anger to suppress pain, that's NO GOOD.
But wait, it gets even better! Remember the coffee from before?
Yeah, the dear mistress slipped something in Laura's drink. To
be precise, a stimulant that makes her extremely sensitive. This
is also how Ginger was introduced into the harem, by the way.
And she liked it. As the cherry on top, Sixx says that she would
never give Laura drugs... except when she just gave Laura drugs.
to caffeine is like comparing Jack Daniel's to rose water.
If webcomics were music, then this would be "Date Rape" by
Sublime. I'll bring this up again later, but Sixx is quite the
horrible, immoral person. She then orders Ginger to "shine"
Laura, which is supposed to mean "polish the rubbersuit", but
effectively means that she gets molested up the wazoo. Then she
says her safeword is "Halo", and mentions that she can use it to
stop the groping anytime. You know, I am really not trying to
perceive Sixx as a bad person, but it just sounds like she's
taunting Laura now. This is like the scene in Lord of War where
the dictator tells Nicolas Cage he can say "stop" anytime. He's
just being an asshole.
Then we get to the next bit: The Heavysuit. As the name implies,
it's a suit made out of three-inch-thick rubber. Both Laura and
Ginger have to wear one while they move from one end of the hall
to the other and get shocked in their breasts and genitals for
moving too slowly. Sixx then explains that this little exercise
is supposed to help them bond. How? Through pain, of course. Did
I mention that Sixx was SMILING while explaining all of this?
As you can imagine, it does not go well. Laura almost uses her
safeword, but Ginger uses hers first, whilst visibly crying.
Sixx has the balls to ask her what's wrong, but Ginger's problem
doesn't seem to be the torture; it's just that she doesn't want
to be tortured with Laura because she's jealous of her position
as Sixx's personal slave. Well, if that's all...
Laura and Ginger get angry at each other but, before everything
ends in a rubber-boxing match, Sixx stops them and says it's all
her fault. No, REALLY?! So they talk it out, with (supposedly)
non-spiked coffee this time. Massive walls of text assault us as
the author frantically tries to pull damage control after people
complained about all the dumb shit I mentioned earlier. Ginger
then chastises Laura for thinking she had sex with Sixx just
because she is her slave, and that she is making her sick for
thinking that "BDSM is just one big, glorified sex game." Aside
from the fact that since BDSM is a fetish, it actually IS a
glorified sex-game regardless of actual penetration or not, this
is especially hypocritical coming from the same guy who used the
entire comic and its story only as an excuse to focus on the
sexual aspect of bondage, because that's what draws in readers
and gets donations.
After Sixx says that her acts are unforgivable (finally
something I can agree with), Ginger tells her instead that she
hasn't failed as a person, because it is human to "let your
emotions get the best of you" or some bullshit. Yes, Mr. Author,
we all do that. After all, it is only human to have somebody
molested, torture them, then slip drugs into their drinks for
the purpose of molesting and torturing them some more. Nobody's
Laura wants a night to contemplate whether or not this madness
is what she really wanted, and Sixx agrees and tells her that
there is a proper collar waiting for her in her room. When Laura
examines it later, it turns out to be pure gold. I thought they
were joking when it was stated that her collar is like a wedding
ring... But here's a big shocker: Laura accepts. But only if
Ginger gets to be Sixx's personal slave too. Aww, don't you love
happy endings? All this sappiness after the horrible shit Sixx
did to them? Everything is fine now? I think I'm gonna throw up.
Ginger quickly gets two super-ultra maids as a replacement for
her who are so goddamn good they can defy the laws of physics
and logic. Seriously, they actually say and then do that in the
comic. Oh, and they are also Ginger's Russian cousins.
Convenient writing be thy name!
One training montage later, we finally get to the promised
whip-off. And we immediately get hit with more of this world's
ridiculous politics: If a mistress loses a formal match, she can
lose all her power. This is supposed to be a democracy and not
Kronos, right? How is this even legal? Oh wait: The Association
IS the government. Man, Bill Clinton would probably love it
This My Little Pony fad has gone
From here on out, things gets
really boring. The whip-off is basically half of the webcomic so
far and, despite its length, nothing interesting happens. So
lets quickly go over this and then talk about all the ridiculous
plot twists. Oh wait, the entire event is nothing but ridiculous
First off, Sixx has secretly made herself a slave and Laura her
mistress so that she could be whipped by Butterfly instead. And
after much trash-talking, Butterfly takes out her metal crop
that looks like the spatula Spongebob Squarepants uses. She then
reveals that she's extracted all of Trina's secret techniques
through torturing her with knives to give herself an edge in
this "battle", though she makes a point that she didn't actually
cut her, because that would violate the protocol of the
Association. WHAT?! So torturing someone for days in the most
inhumane ways possible is okay as long as they don't have any
physical blemishes because of it? At this point, I wouldn't be
surprised if all the mistresses get together on the weekends
with their slaves and have waterboarding parties.
Speaking of nonsensical bullshit, you won't believe what comes
next. Butterfly actually creates a tornado of FLAMES with her
crop. And then we get expo-speak about "dominant and submissive
spirits". As you can see, I didn't compare this without reason
to a clichéd shonen anime. It's like Dragon Ball Z for lesbians
who are into BDSM, except most of the fights are replaced with
And somehow, against all odds, it gets even stupider. Sixx gets
saved by a "submissive shield" that's like holyshitsuperpowerful
that turns out to have been created by Laura. It's like the
Bleach approach to writing: "Yeah, this technique is so
super-powerful that few people ever get it and it takes years to
master, but you can learn it in three days!" Unfortunately for
the authors, they have no talent whatsoever and thus couldn't
prevent their main character from becoming a total Mary Sue the
way Tite Kubo managed to.
Then we learn that Butterfly had a spy, but that she got
captured by the ultra-maids in one panel. For a change of pace,
that actually IS a violation of the Association's laws, but Sixx
decides against ending this pointless contest because she would
rather take on Butterfly. Yeah, you want to take a challenge, so
it's okay if you let criminals go free and let innocents get
hurt, right? Naturally, this turns out to be a really bad idea
and Butterfly then uses a technique that is literally called the
"mind breaker". How very creative. That's like calling Bankai "I
win". By the way, Butterfly is out for revenge. Even though Sixx
never even met her before. Yeah, you figure that one out.
Ginger and Laura then put their hands together to help her out
in a very Care Bears-esque scene, and then we get... THIS:
"I am myself.
The self incorporates two selves."
When exactly did this turn into Neon Genesis Evangelion? Stop
it, this story is already enough of a mindfuck as it is!
Here comes the next bit of insanity: Trina willingly submitted
to Butterfly because she loves Sixx, and having her break was
the only way they could be together. Trina seems to have a bit
of brain damage, as it seems. Who the fuck would strike a
suspicious deal with someone who is clearly an evil psychopath
and throw their entire life away just to have everything fall
apart that they wanted to save? Oh yeah, Anakin Skywalker. DAMN
YOU, George Lucas, you ruined my childhood with this bullshit!
Back at the mind-altering whip-fest, Laura appears in
Shroomsville and saves Sixx with her magical Mary Sue powers.
She wins the contest. Hooray. Butterfly is pissed, the Judiciary
(which looks like someone put Arakune and Hakumen from BlazBlue
into a blender and stuck the result into a rubber suit with
tits) attempts to arrest her, and they have a slap fight. Since
she is a recurring main villain, Butterfly easily pulls enormous
power out of her ass and wins. Then she wants to kidnap Sixx,
but Ginger and Laura defend her in a painfully cheesy scene no
writer at Disney would touch. After using a smoke bomb, she
Everything is back to normal, so a few days later Sixx and Laura
go to the park again. Why? So she can spank Laura while some
perverts watch. One of those guys likes to be hit in the face,
and depressingly enough, is not only one of the very few men
that appear, but the first man to actually have a few lines.
More shit happens, but I will skip that since it's even more
pointless and boring. Instead I'll go over the last heap of
retarded bullshit so far wherein we get the backstory of this
entire setting and of Laura herself. And it is fucking amazing
to me. Just when you think it couldn't get any stupider, shit
gets turned up to eleven.
As it turns out, Atlantis exists. Yeah, fucking ATLANTIS. And it
had a library that was discovered some time back. In it, it said
that bodies are just empty shells for the souls. Geez, that
sounds so completely unlike EVERY RELIGION EVER. It also said
that the soul is energy, and that energy can be manifested as
this dominant and submissive stuff. Some people are dominant,
some submissive, and some are switch-hitters. Anyway, they
learned all that stuff from the Greeks, and it caused some sort
of sexual revolution and changed the entire history. It sounds
like a religion Plato and the Marquis de Sade came up with after
a night of binge drinking in the afterlife. Except that what I
just described would be fucking awesome.
If you ever
wondered how the ancient Greek oracles came up with their
here is your answer.
Basically, everyone decided to drop Christianity or whatever
other religion they might have practiced like a hot potato
because spiritualistic nonsense with BDSM is so much more
awesome. Then almost all countries fused into five major powers
and everything was just peachy. Except for a few islands and
such which are "puritan" (read: evil prudes).
Let me explain how many ways this is stupid:
1. Not everyone will immediately drop their religion and join
yours, even if it were actually true. The Christians were at it
for almost 2,000 years and still failed, so what chance do those
2. Believe it or not, some people just aren't into BDSM. And
there are a heck of a lot more of those kinds of people than
this comic implies.
3. Just five major political powers established themselves
peacefully and are completely economically stable and friendly
toward each other? Yeah, no.
4. War not only never changes, there will always be war. Why
should it suddenly stop after this world's version of the
renaissance? Essentially, this implies BDSM has brought about
5. Humans will always be humans. Spreading a philosophy, no
matter how good it might be, will not turn everyone into some
good, enlightened individual. There should be a heck of a lot
more bad people than just Butterfly and her henchbitches, and it
would bring the entire system crashing down.
6. What the fuck were they smoking when they came up with the
Atlantis idea? Or anything in this comic, for that matter?
I know, I know, it's a work of fiction and I'm not supposed to
read too deeply into it. I can suspend my disbelief up to a
certain point — some of my favorite fictional worlds are built
on political ecosystems that would never work in reality — but
this shit is ludicrous! The entire world joins one mega-religion
based around bondage because of some books some people found in
an old library!? It's like the person who wrote this is trying
to kill my brain!
Moving on, what about Laura? Well, it turns out she lived on an
island with like a thousand women and only fifty men, so the men
were worshipped as gods and were allowed to fuck any woman they
wanted without her being able to say no. So she fled. End of
Henrique, disciple of the legendary Pimpdaddy Nr.1 Gendo Ikari.
that he has a
penis clearly makes him worse than Hitler and Satan combined.
BITCHES AND WHORES.
I almost died from
laughter after reading that. It doesn't feel real, it really
doesn't. I feels like I just read a comic written by Valerie
Solanas. Sure, there are actual male-centric religions and a lot
of them are misogynistic, but something like this never existed.
This goes a long way to explain why almost all characters in
this comic are women, and the few male cameos are filthy
perverts. Really, I can sum up the entire message of this comic
in two sentences thanks to Zardoz:
"THE WHIP IS GOOD! THE PENIS IS EVIL!"
The artwork in Collar 6 is garbage. That's pretty much all that
can be said. Sure, there is a definite improvement in quality as
the comic progresses, but it just goes from "appallingly
horrible anime" to "pretty shitty anime". Also, the constant use
of "shiny" effects to make various surfaces, well, shine. The
latex suits reflecting light makes sense, but damn, this comic
goes so overboard with the effect that it looks like everything
is laminated. Though it seems that in the third major art
evolution this comic has undergone, that mostly disappeared
because there now is LESS detail than before. Then again, since
nothing looks good, the drop in quality isn't too severe. In a
case like this, less really is more.
Speaking of shitty anime: Collar 6 doesn't use it merely as an
inspiration for the art style. Just like in Sugar Bits, if
you've seen it in some hackneyed romantic-comedy anime, you will
definitely see it here. And it will be, at best, half as funny
as in the original, even if that was already painfully unfunny.
Aside from sweat drops, "empty eyes", and other visual
shorthands, Collar 6 is also very fond of doing visual gags. And
by "visual gags", I mean drawing the characters in chibi-style
and pretending that deformed girls doing something ridiculous
constitutes a joke.
I laughed harder at my aunt's
The last thing worth mentioning is that almost every panel
focuses on somebody's butt or boobs or whatever. But considering
all the previous stuff I elaborated on, I guess that almost goes
without saying. Speaking of the boobs: They're massive! I
haven't seen one single female character whose proportions
weren't completely impossible. Even if you ignore the ginormous
tits (which is pretty hard, considering how often they're the
centerpiece of every panel), the anatomy in general is very
suspect, so to speak. Then again, if there's one thing that I've
learned from webcomics, it's that you don't need any talent or
skill as an artist to rake in that phat donation money. Just
look at The Wotch.
The guy is apparently named Steven Wallace. I can't tell you
much about him or his Mistress Ana (or even what she does
besides occasionally yelling at the fans), but Steve-O here has
got to be one of the most self-loathing men I have ever heard
of. Either that or he just constantly slams his own gender in
the hopes that his lesbian spank-fest will seem less
misogynistic that way.
As for Ana, after getting (way too little) criticism for all the
horrifyingly depraved stuff in the comic that I told you about,
she posted this:
"This is a comic. It is fiction. In it being a comic, a
certain amount of fantasy and such is involved. This is not a
textbook for guidance in the BDSM lifestyle."
Indeed it isn't, because that would have been more interesting.
But really, what kind of reasoning is that? If I made a comic
that showed a woman getting raped and then falling in love with
her rapist (coughMookiecough) and then portrayed it as
completely okay, I don't think that kind of backwards logic
would fly. And it shouldn't. The characters and the messages in
this comic are immoral and fucked up, and need to be called
To be fair, Collar 6 is nowhere near the worst webcomic I've
ever read, nor is it the stupidest. If it really was just an
ineptly-written, sappy soap opera, it would be almost cute in
the same way as an infant struggling to say the most basic
No, what really propels it into the realm of such legendary
piles of filth like Shredded Moose or the various works of
Bleedman is its disgusting themes and morals. It's okay to have
immoral or even somewhat evil lead characters in your story;
hell, it could lead to an absolutely fascinating read. Black
Lagoon is one of the greatest animes ever and most of its
characters aren't exactly good people. But one of the things
that makes Black Lagoon so interesting is the way it shows us
that negative actions often have negative consequences. In
Collar 6, Laura gets drugged and tortured and she is totally
cool with it like no person would ever be. And then Steve-O has
the balls to let the characters tell us it was okay for Sixx to
get away with that because she apologized later, treating the
whole ordeal as if she just accidentally spilled some juice. And
that's not even getting into all the other celebrated forms of
physical abuse we just went over.
Bottom line: You can have protagonists in your story who aren't
saints. Make their behavior full-on violent and malicious if you
want to, just call that shit for what it is. Don't piss on my
head and tell me it's raining.
Alex's AFTER Thoughts
I don't have the words to describe how incredibly liberating it
is to be reviewing a webcomic not written or drawn by Bleedman
for once. After three consecutive articles spent examining the
creations of a lunatic obsessed with long-canceled Cartoon
Network shows and young children's naked bodies, the opportunity
to read through any other horrible webcomic on the internet was
like getting to take a vacation on a tropical island where the
local economy is built on giving tourists free samples of
whiskey that tastes like ice-cream.
Unfortunately, I was unable to escape the lingering nightmares
of The Bleedman Chronicles completely, as shades of his
malevolent designs found their way into Collar 6. Specifically,
Bleedman's penchant for taking radically unrelated themes and
concepts and combining them into a concoction of incongruous
insanity turned out to be a pastime also enjoyed by ol' Steve
Wallace there. Cutesy, faux-anime artwork and kinky amateur
bondage sessions mix about as well as oil-based Dildo Glide™
lubricant and water, and their combination makes even less sense
when you set them to plotlines straight out of an old issue of
If the comic didn't take itself so seriously, I would have
guessed Collar 6 was intended to be a tongue-in-cheek parody of
popular manga storyline conventions, because damned if it
doesn't tackle every single one of them. There's the "rival
battle" story arc, the needlessly drawn-out "training period"
arc, the even more drawn-out "tournament" arc, the "world
origins" arc where an older character randomly decides to reveal
ancient secrets that are suddenly relevant to the characters'
present-day situation... It's like the entire fucking plot of
this comic was constructed from the author going through a
checklist of shonen manga clichés during his lunch break at the
ball-gag and buttplug testing facility.
I will give Steve this much: it's actually quite clever how he
manages to take the theme of competitive BDSM and inject it into
plotlines you'd expect to find in the most laughably derivative
Dragon Ball fanfiction. As I read through the archives, I kept
waiting for one of the characters to scream "Her spanking
resistance level is over niiiine thoooouuusaaaaaand!!" They even
do the thing where the villain tries to finish off the exhausted
heroes at the end of a long battle and
Gohan Laura must tap into
her massive reserve of hidden power to defend them. The fact
that all this mystical martial arts action is reconstructed
using bondage kinks is so inspired that it almost makes up for
the fact that it's all so mind-destroyingly stupid.
The real deal-breaker when it comes to Collar 6, however, is the
fact that no part of this comic—the one with the storyline
revolving around lascivious young lesbians doing ultra-kinky
things to each other's bodies—is the least bit sexy. If nothing
else, this comic might have succeeded as marginally decent
softcore porn for readers too embarrassed to look at the real
stuff. Thanks to the craptastic art and ridiculous circumstances
surrounding the occasional bits of nudity, however, this thing
doesn't even manage to get the eroticism factor right. And given
the comic's target audience, that may be its greatest failure of
'Till next time!