Part VI: "Yami No Tainai"
(As seen at
Good. Lord. Every time I review a new comic, I think
I've seen the very worst that webmanga-dom has to offer, and
every time I do another one, that theory gets shot straight to
hell. Yami No Tainai, Japanese for "Yah, I have no talent", will
melt your brain Arc of the Covenant-style if you take more than
three seconds to try to comprehend ANYTHING that's going on, be
it what you're seeing, what you're reading, or what the plot is.
Holy shit, I would have never considered that something like
this could exist, and not be connected to Nazis or the occult in
some way, shape, or form.
...Is fucking incomprehensible. I was lost, and my head
exploded, and I woke up in Tijuana, and I didn't know what had
happened, or who I was for several days. All I know is that the
story in this comic is a convoluted mess of basic anime
"bad-boy" archetypes, and your typical gods and hidden powers
within brooding people and whatever. I truly, honestly, cannot
tell you anything about this comic's story outside of what's
explained in the character profiles, because the way it was
presented in the comic was mind-numbing, in every sense of the
word. Even though it's what I do for this site, I simply could
not trudge through this mess of a story, filled with higher
beings and things that make no motherfucking sense
Oh yeah, and anime stereotypes. Lots of those. If you've seen it
in an anime series, it's most likely here, and it's done a
quarter as good as it was where you first saw it, even if you
saw it in an anime that sucked ass.
AAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'm sorry, I just thought about the stuff
in this thing being referred to as "art", and just lost it. What
we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is an Escher painting, if
Escher broke his good hand and had to use his other one for a
few weeks while he painted. The art... Good god... Nothing about
this shit is even remotely redeemable. You would have to shove a
soldering hot iron into my dickhole to even get me to consider
pretending that maybe this could show promise one day.
Holy shit, do
what he says! He's a 50-foot policeman
with a giant
car, you don't fuck with that!
I mean look at that shit! AAAARGH! Everything is just a
mish-mash of lines and attempts at simple things, like a
building against the sky, that go horribly wrong, and come close
to resembling a moldy block of cheese in front of a giant booger
that has been wiped on an invisible table. And GOD HELP YOU if
the person responsible for this atrocity wants to depict action,
then you'll really have no fucking clue what the hell it is
you're looking at. And the backgrounds! Oh my god. Most of the
time, everything in the background just molds into itself to
form some amorphous creature not of this world. Apparently, this
dipshit seems to think that sucking a cup of ink up her nose and
blowing it all over the page constitutes an acceptable
background that people will be able to make out without the
assistance of drugs, alcohol, or one of those Terri Schiavo
...What, too soon?
I seriously dare you to look at any given page in this comic,
and be able to tell, definitively, what anything is...
"What is that, sunbeams over a field of flowers and puddles of
"No, silly, that's a battle between an ancient swordsman demon,
and the God of Giant Robots!"
"Huh... 'Cause it looks like sunbeams over a field of flowers
and puddles of purple water."
"Well, it's not."
"'Cause I'm pretty sure it's sunbeams over a field of flowers
and puddles of purple water."
You'll often find yourself staring at a page for hours. Not
because it looks good, but because you're trying to figure out
what it is the magic eye thing is trying to be, because that's
what this "art" amounts to; a big, fat, fucking magic eye. And
lately, for whatever reason, Escher's fangirl has been putting white
borders around everyone. I guess she's going for an individual
style, but in reality, it looks retarded. It's like she cut
them off another piece of paper with scissors, and pasted them
onto the comic page with glue, except that she's suffering from
a major case of Parkinson's disease, making her cutting job
pretty damn shabby. And recently, some pilot-looking character has
shown up, and I swear, it looks like his shoulder pads are
I can only make
out a head, and a hand.
And I think I
see some white feces in there.
The black-and-white stuff is even worse. The images actually
make you struggle to figure out what it is, exactly, that you're
looking at. This basically looks like something I'd draw with my
left hand (I'm right-handed), while under the influence of some
massively powerful narcotics. And while dying of malignant
tumors growing on both of my eyes.
As bad as the art for the comic itself is, somehow, against all
odds, most of the fan art manages to be WORSE! No, I'm not
exaggerating. It's almost as if--
...Wait, fan art?! Who--... Why--...?! Son of a
Back to Yami Nun Housefly though, what makes this visual
abomination unto the Lord even more of a war crime is the
artist's RIDICULOUS reliance on Photoshop. And we're not just
talking about some Earthsong-esque painting in of the
backgrounds here. Oh no. This is done by someone who watches too
damn much magic fighting anime, y'see. That means magic spinning
shields made from 8 different Photoshop layers; 5 lighting
effects stacked on each other; big, fake-looking, glowing angel
wings; and, of course, tons of ridiculous light-beam effects.
Hot damn, summer in the city, that's way over the top! Though, I
suppose it fits in with the ludicrous storyline. Or, perhaps,
it's an attempt to distract us from the third-grade art class
quality artwork. Seriously, does this bitch hold her pencil/pen
with her foot, or does she somehow manage to draw like something
you'd see in a Taiwanese sex show. Wuzzat mean? No hands, no
feet, no mouth, but can still hold a pen. You can guess how. Or
perhaps there's some readers out there who don't need to guess.
Remember, folks, when you can't draw worth shit, there's always
Photoshop! It won't make your horrible "art" look any better,
mind you, but, hey.... um... BEAM EFFECTS WHOOOO~OOOOOO!
Hard Gay reference, folks. Gotta love it.
If you can believe it, this pile of gutter refuse was done by TWO
PEOPLE! Two god damn separate people were required to put this
abomination together! One chick to draw the thing, and one guy
to write the thing. In regards to the artist, I didn't even have
to look this chick up. The reason being is that only one thing
needs to be said; how, in the name of all that anyone could
possibly find holy, even within long-dead pagan religions, could
anyone draw like this, and even conceive of releasing their
artwork in comic form to the general public?! Did this lady not
know that she has no grasp of drawing perspective,
proportioning, backgrounds, foregrounds, people, shades,
objects, shapes, ANYTHING?! Hell, this chick shouldn't even be
allowed to hold a pencil, as punishment for subjecting us to
this unmitigated crap.
humanized Shadow the Hedgehog decided to
take a little
stroll through H. P. Lovecraft's sperm...
And what's even more bizarre is that the writer (if he can so be
called... I hesitate to call what he does "writing", as opposed
to "verbal vomiting") apparently saw her crap, and said to
himself, "That's the artist for me!" Is he blind?! Did he feel
the texture of a printed sample of her art with his hands, and
think it was good?! And what made her think that her art was
ready to go up on the internets in comic form?! Did the kiddies
at school tell her "Oh m'gawd, you are sooo good," so this hack
decides to go for it? As for the author guy, it was most likely
the basic reasoning of most webmanga creators; "I like anime, I
wanna make anime too!"
It's kinda sad to watch him on the comic's message boards, as he
desperately longs for attention and adoration from the members
on his inactive forums. It looks pretty bad when all the comic
discussion, general chat, and "what's your favorite character"
threads are made by the author himself. Good god... Even more
pathetic is the handful of moronic fans he has. For god's sake,
there's a Tool fan on there who rewrote a page from this thing
to be filled with band references. "Save me, Good Charlotte"?!
Buddy, Good Charlotte needs plenty of saving themselves; anyone
who plays music that bad is almost certainly going to
Yes, this installment of Comic Release ran a lil' shorter than
most. Why? Because there's just not much left to say about Yummy
Nose Turtles that I haven't already said. The artwork and
storyline are both incomprehensible, and insulting to anyone who
takes the time to view them in how utterly BAD they are. This
comic is pretty much what most of you reading this article would
produce if you started violently scratching a piece of paper
with a pen, screaming the names of everyone who ever hurt you at
the top of your lungs, then drew arbitrary shapes on random
parts of the page, with your eyes closed, and about three quarts
of alcohol in your system. After that, you just add in some
speech bubbles full of gobbledygook and Japanese names, and
presto! You got yourself a carbon copy of Yam's Mini Tie-dye!
To truly convey how FUCKING bad this FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT is
(it enrages me even now...), I've decided to included a choice
page from the comic so that all of you can experience the horror
(Click the image for an enlarged
Alex's AFTER Thoughts
To be perfectly honest, I never really look forward to putting
up a new Comic Release article on the site. I think they're a
great addition to the site's roster of features, and Cody's
reviews are always a blast to read, but I still dread updating
this section simply because it means I have to read through at
least a few dozen pages or more of whatever shitfest of a comic
is being reviewed so that I can come up with enough to say about
it to write up my own comments. At best, it's a miserable way to
waste an hour of my life; at worst, it's a disturbing,
nightmarish experience that leaves me in tears, reduced to a
hollow shell of my former self.
Never has this been more true than when it came time for me to
browse through the archives of Yami No Tainai. Had I known just
how fucking crazy this comic was in advance, I probably
would have faked my own death just to get out of reading it.
Actually, I take that back... I probably would have killed
myself for real.
When it's coming from someone who's read as many terrible,
confusing-ass fanfics as I have, you know something has to be
pretty fucking out there when I say it made my brain hurt. All
comical exaggeration aside, I only understood about a third of
the pages I read through. The rest was all one big mystifying
blur of cryptic dialogue and nonsensical plotlines, gaudy
Photoshop effects, random lightshow battles, and characters that
looked like they were the result of some angry child's attempt
at drawing s-CRY-ed fanart in the style of Picasso. Also, I seem
to remember there being some really bizarre religious references
that made all the philosophical mumbo-jumbo in 9th Elsewhere
appear downright sensible. Oh yeah, and I think there was
something about this mysterious evil counsel made up of black
silhouettes with stripes and swirls of bright neon body paint...
for some reason... Maybe they were at a rave.... Alright, I'm
starting to delve a little too deep into repressed memories
here, so let's just move on.
My point is, I don't really know what the hell was supposed to
be going on in Yami No Tainai, and something tells me that I
don't want to know. I did my duty and struggled through more
than half of this debacle of a comic, though, so don't even
act like I gave up without a fight. Just because I was
unable to win the war against this assassination attempt on my
sanity doesn't mean I didn't try.
And with my obligations fulfilled, I'm going to go get drunk(er)
and try to forget that something this revolting can exists and
not involve overweight naked people in some way, hopefully
cleansing my mind of the more painful memories of this
experience and remaining safe and secure inside my protective
cocoon of self-delusion. ....Until Cody sends me another
webcomic review, that is.
Damn it to hell.
'Till next time!