Episode 04: "Rain,
Escape, and Afterwards / Hedgehog's Dilemma"
Hey there, bitches. I'm in a good mood that will surely be
destroyed very soon. I'm in the last weeks of my senior year
and I have a project for every class, three of which are
movies which'll be a bitch to edit and crap. So that means
EVA: Rehashed will temporarily have extra cynicism at its
already low price! You simply cannot afford to miss this
Alright, so let's begin. Last time on Evangelion, we had a
squid angel appear to fight Shinji, while his dumb
classmates nearly get themselves killed by the power of deus
ex machina (or bad writing, your pick). Shinji owns the
angel before Evangelion could be turned into La Blue Girl
and everything ends up sad. Anyway, this episode promises to
have plenty of fan service, excitement, and drama.
We begin during the rainy season of Japan, and an alarm
rings in the Katsuragi Apartment. Misato groans and shuts it
off with her foot, getting up to brush her teeth and ask
Shinji if he's skipping school again. It's been five days
since the battle and Gerald has been completely repaired, as
if he were an object, not a living being with feelings. She
goes on and on about Shinji's duty and tries to goad him
out, but to no avail.
Misato, always the caring roommate, opens Shinji's door and
finds... He's gone. Wow, five days and you never bothered to
open the door and make sure he didn't commit suicide? It's
no wonder he left, there just isn't anyone who cares. It's a
She see that Shinji left behind a note and his ID as a
random ambulance siren goes off in the background. "He's run
away," mutters Misato. "I'm not surprised."
The screen turns black and we see the title card: "Rain,
Escape, and Afterwards/Hedgehog's Dilemma". These episode
titles are getting, like, really long and shit.
Back to the action, the rain gets REALLY loud, as if the
Aztecs did one too many rain dances. The doorbell to
Misato's apartment rings, and Misato opens in surprise,
calling, "Shinji!" Disappointed, she finds Toji and Kensuke.
The two are caught off guard at the essence of hotness that
stands before them. Kensuke speaks in his creepy
"Pardon me, ma'am, but we're Shinji's classmates, Aida and
Suzuhara." Toji nods his head vigorously as Misato repeats
Just as Kensuke's about to respond, Toji cuts in, "Yes,
ma'am! I'm Suzuhara-"
"Oh, aren't you the ones who got into Unit One's entry
"Yes, ma'am, we're really sorry for causing so much
trouble," says Toji as he cuts off Kensuke again while
bowing. "The reason we came here today is that Shinji has
been absent ever since then, so we came to see if he's
okay," he says as he cuts Kensuke off a final time. Kensuke
is disturbed by this.
Usurp ME, will
you?! I'll show you once my Rogue Nightelf gets her turn!
Before Kensuke can even begin his turn and haul ass with some
wicked dice-rolling skills, Misato lies that Shinji's at a NERV
training facility. Anyway, the two give Misato Shinji's homework
and their farewells, bowing as she slides the door closed.
Getting up from his bow, Kensuke mutters, "This is an unexpected
"She was a real babe, wasn't she?" adds Toji, where Kensuke
agrees. Thus begins the story of Toji's efforts to win Misato
over, ending in heartbreak, tragedy, and new love in... uh,
Hilary Duff. Next week on the O.C.
Misato gets real angry at Shinji, calling him an idiot as
she kicks the door in rage. Suddenly, she turns green and goes
on a rampage, a nasty side effect of working in NERV's Gamma Ray
Department for too long.
Cut to a train, where Shinji sits VERY still for about the
entire day, listening to his Walkman. Seriously, they have one
cel of him for the entire montage of the passing day. I'm
surprised he didn't attract birds.
At night, Shinji is finally given another cel as he sits up and
mutters, "I oughtta go back."
Shinji walks through Tokyo-3, ending up at a movie theatre
filled with hobos, zombies, conservative pundits, and Gary
Coleman. It's apparently a movie about the Second Impact, where
one of the main characters is a doctor with a RIDICULOUSLY
hilarious accent, a mix of German, French, and what sounds like
Swedish. The Japanese voices aren't so hilarious, so I suppose
the English dub is actually better than the Japanese one at this
point. Huh, imagine that. During this, Shinji wanks off to two
people making out in the theatre.
Well, they don't show it, but his eyes are pretty blank until he
sees them making out. I assume that means his sword wanted to be
Anyway, he sleeps in the theatre like the poor, freeloading
bitch he is.
The next scene has to have been animated by a major Hello Kitty
fan. It's all in pink. PINK. There is simply no scientific
reason for this. There is no pink light coming from anywhere.
It's just pink.
The sounds of the crickets and cicadas roar in the background,
and Shinji slowly goes insane from his overactive imagination.
He is overwhelmed by the noise... Or maybe it was the pink light
that instilled fear into his heart. Or maybe it was the fact
that the world was spinning around him like an episode of
Evangelion with poor, nonsensical animation.
The epic story
of one man versus the world... All in pink.
Or maybe he's just a pussy. Either way, it ends up with him
Meanwhile, Misato randomly checks up on Shinji's room and
Cut to a bus, where apparently Shinji amazingly still had enough
funds for the fare. He turns out to be in some rural area
outside of Tokyo-3, where he simply broods all day like an emo
"But he's only fourteen years old," we hear Misato sigh in a
voiceover. Cut to Rei, dressed in bandages and panties while
being scanned or something. I don't think that's required attire
for that kind of a procedure, just that Hideaki Anno thought
it'd get us all hot. Before we can, though, her image changes
into some kind of nonsensical rainbow scan... Misato apparently
thinks making Shinji bearing the burden of the world is too
Ritsuko replies that they have to use 14-year-olds, and Misato
concedes that point. Misato tells Ritsuko that Shinji hasn't
even tried to make contact, and Misato mutters that he might not
return, mostly because of what happened after the last battle.
Shinji was being scolded by Misato at that time, who gets all on
his case about ignoring her orders, being rebellious, and
listening to that darn rap music while piloting Gerald. She just
doesn't understand kids these days. She asks if Shinji's even
listening, and he just sighs, "Yeeeesss..." Anyway,
Shinji's a little bitch and his dub voice becomes grating and
sort of egotistical, even though Shinji's the exact OPPOSITE.
Cut back to real time, where Misato mutters how Shinji shouldn't
be a pilot if getting into an Eva means pain. There is a
dilemma, then, because Ritsuko points out that they need pilots.
Then we then slam into a brick wall of transition, where
Kensuke is out in a field playing a mock battle... with himself.
How... sad... ...Wait, he lives outside of Tokyo-3? Why the
flying fuck does he commute like ten miles to go to
school?! Especially one in a FRIGGIN' WAR ZONE?!
Apparently, Kensuke loses to himself in the battle, and stares
up at the sky as the agony of defeat overwhelms him. He
eventually gets up and spots Shinji wandering about. He calls
out Shinji, who stops his quest for the Holy Grail.
And that's the end of that chapter.
Next week, it's more drama, character building, and a continuing
lack of the fan service we were promised before. Our next
special musical guest will be Linkin Park, who arrive to help
Shinji with his personal problems, ultimately teaching him that
life IS worth living!
Then they bust out their instruments and sing "Run Away",
So, until next time, just let the pink colors unleash that RAGE
inside your body and soul.
Recap by SSJ Heero.