Episode 08: "Asuka Strikes!"

Part I

Well how about that, it's your good buddy Styles Rockman, here to offer you yet another entry in the increasingly popular series known across the web as Evangelion: Rehashed. This time we're going to enjoy episode eight.

Note: When I say we're going to enjoy it, I really mean you're going to enjoy it. Because you don't have to watch it.

I'd like to preface this review with a few gripes I have with the opening credits. First, they kick ass. Honestly, I've fallen in love with the title song! It's very ambient, and honestly, it always makes me feel better about watching the show; like maybe this episode won't be all that bad. I mean, how can a show with such a great song be horrible? Not only that, but the title sequence cannot be described as anything short of epic. It's downright deceptive in how good it is. My dreams of animated grandeur, or at least mediocrity, are quickly shattered once the actual episode starts, and I'm left a broken, empty shell of a disappointed man.

My second grievance is really more with the translator himself. Every odd episode, he translates the song lyrics into English, which is fine enough, but then every even episode he translates them into Romaji.

What the fuck is up with that? I mean, for crying out fucking loud, either do one or the other, or do both like a GOOD anime.

FYI, I'll be using Azumanga Daioh for a lot of my comparisons. Get used to it.

Whew. Anyway, on to the review. In other words... Let's get this mother fucker revvin'!

We begin, once again, in the pyramid view room with Ikari talking on the phone. I've come to the conclusion that this is some sort of running gag, or a bet between the writers to see how many episodes they can open this way before people stop watching.

Ikari talks to the still unknown party about Eva Unit 02 being shipped from Sasebo, and we get an uncomfortably close shot of his beard while he does so.

QUICK CUT!

We're on a helicopter now, OKAY!?! SHIIIIIIIT.

Shinji and Misato are on their way to check out the next Eva unit, as well as to meet up with the next pilot. For whatever reason, the acne-faced voyeur kid and Punchy Motorola are there too. Because even top secret military bases out in the middle of the ocean are not off limits to a 14-year old bitch's play date. Camera Kid has about twelve erections being so close to actual military hardware, while Jocko is busy fawning over Misato. He also apparently bought the hat he is wearing for her. This is almost kind of important to the plot. Kind of.

As the helicopter is landing, the captain of the ship – who looks like the captain of the Titanic – scoffs. We also get a back shot of a young woman standing on deck, dress ruffling in the wind. COULD THIS BE THE MYSTERIOUS SECOND CHILD?! THE ONE YOU'RE PRETENDING YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT?!

Seriously, does anybody honestly care at this point?

Geeky Video Jerk jumps off the helicopter with gusto, and immediately proceeds to run up and down the deck repeatedly screaming "Great!" at the top of his lungs while jizzing his pants like it was fashionable.
 

Great!

Meanwhile, Ichi PunchFist-San chases after his hat, which is being carried across the deck by a gust of wind. Just as he is about to get it, a girl steps on it while loudly greeting Shinji. She declares herself to be Asuka, the Second Child.

See? I told you the hat was important! Awww fuck you...

Misato and Asuka exchange greetings, while Punchy tries to get his hat back. Of course, being in the middle of the Pacific ocean, it's very windy. What happens next? Well...

Asuka slaps Punchy Miyamoto into the title card sequence, and he flies back demanding to know why he got slapped. Asuka offhandedly proclaims "Payment for the view. Pretty cheap isn't it?"

Oh ho ho! We're going to have fun with YOU sister, I can just tell!

Without missing a beat, a pissed-off Punchy decides to even the score by dropping his own pants. This affords many disgusted looks and another slapping. I can say with honesty that this was the most entertaining moment in the show for me so far.
 

A definite high point in the series.

Misato and crew soon meet with the captain, who strikes me as some kind of pedophile as he happily declares that he's rather glad to have kids to take care after such a long time. I actually hope he is a pedophile because that adds an additional layer of suspense to the show for me. Who will get molested first!?

Misato and Captain KidGrope discuss the Eva unit, and how much everyone seems to hate Nerv. The Captain dismisses Misato, warning her that he is still in charge at sea. As they're about to leave, a voice from across the room teases Misato, and Asuka cries out "Kaji-Senpai!" Misato turns around and shits her pants.

As everyone leaves, the Captain and his first mate basically whine to each other about how a bunch of kids are supposed to save the world, and that if they had enough money to build Eva they should be paying the US more. Whine, whine, whine. God.

Anyways, everyone is now on an elevator ride down to the crew's quarters, and let me tell you, they're really packed in there. Misato and Kaji argue on the way down, before both Misato and Asuka scream out "Don't touch me!" Kaji and PunchHard Sashimi defend themselves aptly and thusly: "What can we do?"

Brilliant.

At dinner, Kaji tries (fruitlessly) to hit on Misato. After being shot down in flames, he turns to Shinji and wryly asks if she still tosses around in her sleep. This sends everyone at the table except Shinji into conniptions. Misato, red faced, screams at Kaji, and Shinji acts pretty clueless as Kaji tells him how famous he is in the West; the legendary Third Child who piloted Eva without any training. Of course, this pisses off Asuka terribly, and she shoots several evil looks Shinji's way.
 

Guess who farted at the dinner table!

More escalator filler, and I don't think I caught a word of dialogue. The whole sequence, I was in a trance-inducing awe at the sheer audacity of the animators.

Asuka brings Shinji to check out her Eva unit, and proudly brags about how it's far superior to his and Rei's units, explaining how it's not a prototype and is designed from the ground up for combat. Asuka's shameless gloating/possible attempt at flirting is (thankfully) cut short by explosions in the water. Shinji, being the pussy that he is, wants to run and tell Misato because, you know, she obviously wouldn't have heard or felt them herself. However, Asuka gets a schemey look on her face and says, in English, "Chance..."

What was the explosion caused by? What the hell is "Chance" supposed to mean? Will I continue to ask rhetorical questions? READ THE NEXT PART TO FIND OUT SHITHEADS!

Recap by Styles Rockman.