Episode 08: "Asuka
Well how about that, it's your good buddy Styles Rockman, here to offer
you yet another entry in the increasingly popular series
known across the web as Evangelion: Rehashed. This time
we're going to enjoy episode eight.
Note: When I say we're going to enjoy it, I really mean
you're going to enjoy it. Because you don't have to
I'd like to preface this review with a few gripes I have
with the opening credits. First, they kick ass. Honestly,
I've fallen in love with the title song! It's very ambient,
and honestly, it always makes me feel better about watching
the show; like maybe this episode won't be all that bad. I
mean, how can a show with such a great song be horrible? Not
only that, but the title sequence cannot be described as
anything short of epic. It's downright deceptive in how good
it is. My dreams of animated grandeur, or at least
mediocrity, are quickly shattered once the actual episode
starts, and I'm left a broken, empty shell of a disappointed
My second grievance is really more with the translator
himself. Every odd episode, he translates the song lyrics
into English, which is fine enough, but then every even
episode he translates them into Romaji.
What the fuck is up with that? I mean, for crying out
fucking loud, either do one or the other, or do both
like a GOOD anime.
FYI, I'll be using Azumanga Daioh for a lot of my
comparisons. Get used to it.
Whew. Anyway, on to the review. In other words... Let's get
this mother fucker revvin'!
We begin, once again, in the pyramid view room with Ikari
talking on the phone. I've come to the conclusion that this
is some sort of running gag, or a bet between the writers to
see how many episodes they can open this way before people
Ikari talks to the still unknown party about Eva Unit 02
being shipped from Sasebo, and we get an uncomfortably close
shot of his beard while he does so.
We're on a helicopter now, OKAY!?! SHIIIIIIIT.
Shinji and Misato are on their way to check out the next Eva
unit, as well as to meet up with the next pilot. For
whatever reason, the acne-faced voyeur kid and Punchy
Motorola are there too. Because even top secret military
bases out in the middle of the ocean are not off limits to a
14-year old bitch's play date. Camera Kid has about twelve
erections being so close to actual military hardware, while
Jocko is busy fawning over Misato. He also apparently bought
the hat he is wearing for her. This is almost kind of
important to the plot. Kind of.
As the helicopter is landing, the captain of the ship – who
looks like the captain of the Titanic – scoffs. We also get
a back shot of a young woman standing on deck, dress
ruffling in the wind. COULD THIS BE THE MYSTERIOUS SECOND
CHILD?! THE ONE YOU'RE PRETENDING YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN
Seriously, does anybody honestly care at this point?
Geeky Video Jerk jumps off the helicopter with gusto, and
immediately proceeds to run up and down the deck repeatedly
screaming "Great!" at the top of his lungs while jizzing his
pants like it was fashionable.
Meanwhile, Ichi PunchFist-San chases after his hat, which is
being carried across the deck by a gust of wind. Just as he
is about to get it, a girl steps on it while loudly greeting
Shinji. She declares herself to be Asuka, the Second Child.
See? I told you the hat was important! Awww fuck you...
Misato and Asuka exchange greetings, while Punchy tries to
get his hat back. Of course, being in the middle of the
Pacific ocean, it's very windy. What happens next? Well...
Asuka slaps Punchy Miyamoto into the title card sequence,
and he flies back demanding to know why he got slapped.
Asuka offhandedly proclaims "Payment for the view. Pretty
cheap isn't it?"
Oh ho ho! We're going to have fun with YOU sister, I can
Without missing a beat, a pissed-off Punchy decides to even
the score by dropping his own pants. This affords many
disgusted looks and another slapping. I can say with honesty
that this was the most entertaining moment in the show for
me so far.
A definite high
point in the series.
Misato and crew soon meet with the captain, who strikes me
as some kind of pedophile as he happily declares that he's
rather glad to have kids to take care after such a long
time. I actually hope he is a pedophile because that adds an
additional layer of suspense to the show for me. Who will
get molested first!?
Misato and Captain KidGrope discuss the Eva unit, and how
much everyone seems to hate Nerv. The Captain dismisses
Misato, warning her that he is still in charge at sea. As
they're about to leave, a voice from across the room teases
Misato, and Asuka cries out "Kaji-Senpai!" Misato turns
around and shits her pants.
As everyone leaves, the Captain and his first mate basically
whine to each other about how a bunch of kids are supposed
to save the world, and that if they had enough money to
build Eva they should be paying the US more. Whine, whine,
Anyways, everyone is now on an elevator ride down to the
crew's quarters, and let me tell you, they're really packed
in there. Misato and Kaji argue on the way down, before both
Misato and Asuka scream out "Don't touch me!" Kaji and
PunchHard Sashimi defend themselves aptly and thusly: "What
can we do?"
At dinner, Kaji tries (fruitlessly) to hit on Misato. After
being shot down in flames, he turns to Shinji and wryly asks
if she still tosses around in her sleep. This sends everyone
at the table except Shinji into conniptions. Misato, red
faced, screams at Kaji, and Shinji acts pretty clueless as
Kaji tells him how famous he is in the West; the legendary
Third Child who piloted Eva without any training. Of course,
this pisses off Asuka terribly, and she shoots several evil
looks Shinji's way.
farted at the dinner table!
More escalator filler, and I don't think I caught a word of
dialogue. The whole sequence, I was in a trance-inducing awe
at the sheer audacity of the animators.
Asuka brings Shinji to check out her Eva unit, and proudly
brags about how it's far superior to his and Rei's units,
explaining how it's not a prototype and is designed from the
ground up for combat. Asuka's shameless gloating/possible
attempt at flirting is
(thankfully) cut short by explosions in the water. Shinji,
being the pussy that he is, wants to run and tell Misato
because, you know, she obviously wouldn't have heard or felt
them herself. However, Asuka gets a schemey look on her face
and says, in English, "Chance..."
What was the explosion caused by? What the hell is "Chance"
supposed to mean? Will I continue to ask rhetorical
questions? READ THE NEXT PART TO FIND OUT SHITHEADS!
Recap by Styles Rockman.