Episode 10: "Magmadiver"
Well kids, it's Styles Rockman back again for yet another
gripping episode recap of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Now, watching Evangelion is hard enough on the soul, but
watching it critically has given me lots to think about.
Namely, how the fuck did this show get so popular? It's
basically "girlfriend's first anime". To those anime nerds
who are lucky enough to find a real (not Realdoll)
girl, this is the first show they put them on to ease them
into the genre. It's fuckin' Gundam for girls!
I should also note that I just bought and re-watched John
Woo's Hard Boiled, so while writing this recap I am ALSO
having a shootout with about 94 Chinese people.
Let's get this mother fucker revvin'!
Episode ten is one of the more boring episodes, but if there
is anything good to say about it, at least Shinji's back to
his boring, emotionless self.
We start off with Kaji barely surviving the torture of
taking Asuka shopping, as she tries to woo him over by
dragging him into the swimsuit department. As she pulls out
a not-particularly-revealing bikini, Kaji looks at her
uncomfortably and asks if it's too much for a high school
What the hell is this? A Japanese man who's NOT a fucking
pedophile? Clearly this show is loaded with inaccuracies.
At lunch, Asuka explains to Kaji that the suit is for her
class trip, which is a big deal in Japan for those
uncultured fucks out there reading this. Asuka asks Kaji
what his class trip was like, but he never went on one
because of the Second Impact. You know, just in case you
forgot about it. Because we're reminded every damn episode
about that Second Impact shit. It's like some kind of
bizarre running gag.
Of course, this being the show that it is, something is
bound to go wrong. At home, Misato tells Asuka and Shinji
that they can't go on their school trip because an Angel
might attack and they need to be ready.
"Oh my GOD! I'M
IN A HORRIBLE FUCKING SHOW!"
Asuka explodes on Misato, who calmly dismisses her. She then
turns her guns on Shinji, insulting his manhood. He also
attempts to brush her off, albeit in the pussiest way possible,
as if to prove her right. If the writers were trying to be
funny, they should have just had him break down and start crying
like a little girl. Maybe they're saving that for a future
As a side note, I'd like to note that Asuka's chin in this scene
is fuckin' huge. I mean damn! Jay Leno ain't got shit on this
Look at it!
It's like Mount Rushmore!
As Misato consoles the two—or at least Asuka—on being left
behind, we are forced to sit and watch Pen-Pen shake off for
about half the fucking episode. Oh well, at least it's not an
escalator. Of course, Asuka won't shut up. She quips that Nerv
only waits for attacks to happen, they never attack first.
Misato looks troubled as she replies that if they would if they
could. I'm not sure exactly what is being said, because half the
screen is taken up by Japan's largest can of beer.
Misato tells Shinji and Asuka that this is a good opportunity
for them to study and bring their marks up, which are being kept
on some weird floppy disc thing. Asuka just shrugs it off, and
says she isn't interested in an "old fashioned demerit system".
Misato tells her that she should try and get used to the system
while she's here, but Asuka says no way in the most annoying
Another side note, the particular words she uses for her no way
are also synonyms for sexual climax. So hearing her scream "ITE!"
got me really hot. Like really, REALLY hot.
Well, the rest of the class is off and as the plane takes
flight, the class representative, that douche with the camera,
and Smash Toyotashi all say their goodbyes like the complete
jerks that they are.
"Haha! Sorry you can't come with us because you are government
slaves! We'll bring you back souvenirs! Can't guarantee they
won't just be Macadamia nuts!"
Shinji and Asuka stand and watch the plane's trail shoot across
the sky. This scene was very reminiscent of the first Final
Destination, which brought forth feelings of hope and joy for
At Nerv headquarters, everyone basically fucks around which
would concern me greatly if I were a character in this show.
This is civilization's last hope against total eradication, and
the heads of defense are reading porn and air guitaring.
At school, Shinji, Asuka, and Rei are at the pool relaxing as
much as possible. Rei does laps by herself, Shinji studies, and
Asuka practices being a disruptive bitch. She flaunts her body
shamelessly to Shinji, which is very curious as just a few
episodes before she slapped him because the wind blew her dress
up. But sure, let's run with this.
Shinji is having trouble with a few science problems, and Asuka
solves them without straining a single brain cell. She explains
that she already graduated college, and the only reason she did
so poorly was because she still can't read all the Kanji. You
know what? Neither can most Japanese. The last question that she
helps him with is on Thermal Expansion, which is the idea that
heat makes things expand and cold makes them shrink. And while
Asuka tries to flirt with Shinji by asking him if the warm water
would make her boobs bigger, Shinji obviously had just taken a
very, very cold shower and just dismisses her question.
only walk on water; these kids solve quantum physics equations
Asuka storms off, and Shinji checks out her sweet, sweet ass
as if he'd actually know what the hell to do with it. Just then,
Rei finishes her laps, and dries herself off. Shinji looks at
Rei more longingly. I assume this is supposed to be some sort of
dramatic thing where he can't decide between the two girls, but
Shinji's such a little pussy I can't imagine him getting either
one, so any sense of drama is lost on me.
But oh shit, it turns out that Asuka isn't finished yet! That
girl has one last trick up her sleeve to win Shinji over:
A solid entry! 9.7!
At Nerv headquarters, the high mucky-mucks stand on a giant
ruler and look at images of a volcano, which is a potential
birthplace for another Angel. They send an unmanned craft down
to investigate, and just before the entire thing implodes, they
capture images of an unhatched Angel.
Wait, Angels lay eggs? How the fuck did all that Evangelion porn
work out then?
Uh... I mean...
Anyway, this Angel is a serious badass. It's not even hatched
yet, and it's over 1,200 whatever units below the surface in a
Ikari and the council are informed of the Angel, and they debate
whether or not to attack. One member shouts that they are all
fools for not remembering the Second Impact. However, Ikari
explains that the risks are worth getting a living sample of an
Ritsuko explains the operation to the three Eva pilots, and
Asuka volunteers enthusiastically to pilot her Eva to capture
the unborn Angel. Someone wants to climb that corporate ladder!
Asuka suits up, and although she's told it's an anti-heat plug
suit, she doesn't notice any difference. Ritsuko tells her to
press the switch on her right cuff to go into anti-heat mode.
Now suited (and fatted) up, Asuka is ready to dive into a
volcano. Complaining all the while, Asuka finally gets into her
Eva unit and prepares to capture the Angel.
WILL THE OPERATION SUCCEED? WILL ASUKA SUCCUMB TO THE HELLISH
FLAMES OF THE VOLCANO? DOES THE EPISODE TITLE "MAGMA DIVER"
SOUND TOTALLY JAMES BOND-ISH? WILL THIS ERECTION I HAVE EVER GO
Find out on the next exciting episode of whatever the fuck this
thing was called again. I've seriously forgotten.
Recap by Styles Rockman.