Episode 10: "Magmadiver"

Part II

Welcome back, bitches. It's your friend and mine, Styles Rockman, here with another recap of Evangelion here.

Last time, we left off somewhere en route to a volcano. But even a bottomless pit of searing hot magma cannot make this show any more exciting. I can't even think of any clever lava puns.

Those faithful Project AFTER readers may remember that last time I had just watched Hard Boiled before reviewing the first half of Episode 10. Well, this time, I just read a shitload of Punisher comics. So while reviewing this episode, I'm currently torturing a guy with a blowtorch.

Let's get this mother fucker revvin'!

We begin with Asuka being lowered down into a lava chasm that looks like a vagina. Asuka asks where Kaji is, and Misato yells at her saying that "idiot doesn't have a job here."

He DOES have a job, however, making it easier for the animators. Oh no, not an escalator this time, as you might think.

VERY CLEVER, BUT YOU CANNOT FOOL ME!

Kaji talks to some weird woman we've never seen before who's holding a puppy. What this is supposed to symbolize, I have no a clue. Let's just say it's a metaphor for the Holocaust.

Shinji notices something in the air, and asks what it is. Misato explains to Asuka and Shinji that it's the U.N. getting ready to nuke the fuck out of the place and everyone there should they fail in their mission.

No pressure or anything, kids.

Before they lower Asuka into the volcano, they launch a laser down into the lava pit. Why they do this is not explained at all, but when they do they declare "Laser Operation success!" Hooray-ay! Break out the champagne and 13-year-old school girls! We're gettin' fucked up on E tonight!

Asuka, being the bright girl she is, makes a very astute observation just before she is lowered into the volcano.

Who knew that mild-mannered Asuka was REALLY Captain Obvious?

BRILLIANT!

Asuka is not finished showing off for Shinji, and she calls his attention as she enters the water with a "Giant stroke entry."

Now, I'm not going to lie. This part actually made me laugh. For what reasons, I can't really say, but it's my favorite three seconds in all ten episodes so far. I KNEW that it wasn't ALL bad.

Actually, that's a lie. I was surprised as all Hell.

As Asuka is lowered, everyone figured this was the perfect time to take a break, so there is little to no animation, no dialogue, and fuck all to keep me amused other than this 16-year-old Vietnamese hooker bouncing on my lap.

She's a screamer!

After about three fucking hours, the Eva unit has finally reached the maximum depth. The depth at which the unmanned probe imploded. With Asuka in danger this time around, Misato wisely orders the crane to continue to lower her until the Angel is found. Asuka doesn't mind the fact that she's probably going to die, and whines about how sweaty her suit is.

I'll take that offer!

As the Eva continues to descend, it loses its Prog'Knife to the depths of the Earth. A full TWO MINUTES after she actually entered the lava pit, never mind all the useless prep before it, Asuka FINALLY finds the goddamned Angel.

Christ, it doesn't even take me that long to desecrate virgins!

Asuka captures the Angel egg in a weird laser box thing, and begins to ascend back to the surface.

All's well that ends well, eh mother fucker? WRONG!

Ritsuko and Misato, now totally relaxed, talk about how awesomely swell everything just went. Misato says that she was worried about the operation, but only if they had failed. Ritsuko agrees, saying that there would have been another Second Impact.

I feel like I'm missing something here. This whole show just keeps holding back fucking information. It's like being at a party with no alcohol, and as you come up to a group of your friends, they look at you, nod, and grunt in agreement over something you missed.

Sure, they tell you MOST of what they were talking about, but you know they're holding something back. Slowly, throughout the night, you find out what it is. Then you find out your girlfriend is cheating on you while you're out at the party, and when you get home your cat is dead from having choked on the shredded pieces of the only picture you have of your real father who left you when you were seven because he tried to molest you after he doped you up and gave you a lifelong addiction to heroin you've been fighting against ever since.

I'm... I'm not sure where all of that came from...

Anyway, as unpredictable as it is, something goes wrong during ascension. The Angel lets out a roar that reminded me of a boss from the N64 Zelda games, and hatches inside the cage.

Asuka drops the cage, and prepares for battle. She reaches for her knife, which she forgot that she dropped just three minutes ago. She narrowly dodges a direct attack from the Angel, but it quickly disappears in the volcano and she loses sight of it.

I sometimes wonder if the writers aren't crying out to me in some

desperate plea to save them from themselves.

Because she dropped hers, Shinji is told to drop his knife down to Asuka. Instead of doing this, he RAGE THROWS IT straight down as hard as he can.

The knife finally makes its way down to Asuka, but the Angel has already caught her and is biting her Eva's face. The knife itself isn't doing any good, but both Asuka and Shinji get a bright idea at the same time.

Asuka or the Angel?

Using the Eva's magma suit cooling systems, she jams coolant pipes into the Eva's mouth, cracking its shell. She figured this out because just earlier in the episode, she helped Shinji with a science question on Thermal Expansion. Why, that's almost like literary devices!

The Angel is finally destroyed, but not before it nearly rips off Asuka's life line. Hanging by a thread, Asuka accepts her fate.

I sincerely hope so.

Just as she falls, however, Shinji catches her. How his Eva suit is surviving being in the lava, I have no clue.

Asuka looks up at him lovingly, and just quietly says, "He's pushing himself too hard."

Relaxing after a job irreparably fucked up well done, Shinji, Misato, and Asuka chill out in a hot spring. Of course, Shinji is not allowed to relax, and the girls demand he throw them his body shampoo because theirs ran out. He lobs it over the barrier, and it hits Asuka in the head, prompting her to scream at him.

Although he can't see, Misato and Asuka scream and giggle as they play with each other, and this of course does only one thing to Shinji.

"Damn kid, even I'M bigger than you!"

Over on the other side of the barrier, Misato and Asuka have calmed down and are talking about something. What exactly, I wasn't paying attention because I was distracted by something.

...

...

Uh.

Well, that's Episode 10. If you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to...

Recap by Styles Rockman.