Episode 12: "She said, 'Don't make others suffer for your personal hatred.'"

Part II

Okay, back!

We return to the helm to find that Misato has assembled the pilots in some weird building with a glass floor looking over an impossible height that actually seems like a really terrible idea. She is briefing the Three Amigos on the plan, which basically amounts to them catching the Angel and then stabbing it in the eye. Pretty simple.

Shut up, Shinji.

Shut up, Asuka.

I SAID SHUT UP SHINJI!

IT'LL BE A MIRACLE IF YOU LEARN TO SHUT UP!

So Misato promises everyone steak if they survive, which seems like a pretty sweet deal.

Hey, by the way, Rei. What do you think about, you know, a little "Brentwood Hello" sometime...?

You don't have to swallow.

That's seriously one of her only two lines this entire episode. Am I the only one who likes Rei? Seriously.

Well, let's check in on the Angel, see how he's doing.

GET

Well, shit. We're left with nothing but Misato's feelings about where the Angel will land, and apparently she's not very lucky.

We'll just see about THAT. *wink wink*

Oh, look! It's my favorite! Elevators! Time for some more exposition!

Asuka and Shinji both ask each other why they pilot Evangelions. Asuka gives a predictable answer; that is, to be famous. Shinji, on the other hand, apparently doesn't know. College dropouts living in their parents' basement at age 35 have more direction in life than this little shit.

Hey, by the way, Asuka. What do you think about me?

So, that's a no for this Saturday...?

The Three Fuckateers zoom into their Evas all dramatically for what appears to be the sole purpose of getting the audience's hopes up. Just when you think the action is about to start, however, we immediately get shoved backwards into a flashback to just a few minutes ago in the episode. I swear, it's like an autistic kid watched a fuckin' Tarantino movie.

Misato explains to Shinji that she joined Nerv because her father sacrificed himself to save her during the Second Impact, even though she hated him for never being around. I think this is supposed to make Shinji connect on a personal level with Misato, but really it's just stupid and pointless. WHERE ARE THE ROBOTS FIGHTING GIANT EXPLODING EYES?!

So, the Evas finally take off, leaving a path of destruction in their... path, desperately trying to catch up to the Angel. Shinji makes it there first, and initiates his AT-field.

"HNNNGGGGGGGGGGGH!"

God, that's so pathetic, Shinji.

Asuka and Rei come up a moment later, cut the shield, and stab the Angel in the eye.

I'm not summarizing here, mind you. That's the entire battle. The entire fucking battle is less than 5% of the episode. IN A SHOW ABOUT GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING MUTANT SPACE ALIENS!

FOR FUCK'S SAKE SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!

Back at headquarters, Misato reports to Commander Ikari, who then praises Shinji for a job well done. Shinji awkwardly responds and then stands around dumbfounded for eight useless seconds.

As promised, Misato takes the kids out for dinner to celebrate them preventing the violent extinction of the human race. Instead of buying them steak, though, she takes them for the next best thing:

RAMEN!

Shinji pulls Misato aside, and in a moment of "character development" — I choose my quotation marks carefully — explains that he pilots Eva to hear words of praise from his father.

Haven't we heard this before? Isn't this what he's been saying the whole time?

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

Hey, by the way, Asuka. What do you really think about me?

"HURR DURR!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Recap by Styles Rockman.