Despite the great lengths to
which I go to label the content on this site as clearly and
logically as possible, a good chunk of my readers still manage
to get intensely confused when it comes to features written by
guest contributors. I've received feedback for editorials I
didn't write, death threats for webcomic reviews I barely
contributed to, and even one incredibly passionate piece of
fanmail for nude photographs of someone else posted on a
different website with no direct affiliation with Project AFTER.
If you happen to be one of the illiterate kindergarten dropouts
who frequently manages to miss the obvious signs and assumes
that I regularly write guest material for my own website,
then please read the following disclaimer as slowly and
carefully as it takes for your chew toy of a brain to digest its
message: I did NOT write the following fanfiction review—Kuramastrass
did, and she is a different person who is not me. I want this
fact to be understood implicitly, partly because I hate taking
credit for other people's work and partly because, frankly, I
don't want anyone to read the various allusions to the activity
of searching for yaoi fluff found in the following text and
think that I spend my weekends bookmarking Yu Yu Hakusho slash
fics with my bedroom door locked. God bless you Kuramastrass, I
think you're a wonderful person, but your hobbies disgust me.
Not that I have anything against homosexuality in the moral
sense, I just don't like reading about it. Especially when my
favorite heterosexual anime characters are involved.
With that long-winded explanation out of the way, please enjoy
"Brotherly Bonding". Actually, please just enjoy Kuramastrass's
review of it; "Brotherly Bonding" itself isn't the sort of thing
anyone enjoys, even if you happen to be a fan of B-grade yaoi
fiction (which I'm not, in case I failed to make that
clear). Kuramastrass's clever and caustic commentary was good
enough to win her second place in the "Love Sick" Fanfiction
Review Contest held on the PA Forums, though, so at least
there's that to look forward to as you begin your journey into
the heart of what is easily one of the worst Fullmetal Alchemist
fanfics ever written.
Seriously though, Hiei and Kurama would never go for that sort
of thing. Okay, maybe Kurama would... Still, ew. - Alex
Guest Special: "Brotherly Bonding"
(A 'Fullmetal Alchemist' fanfiction by
Hello everyone, I'm Kuramastrass, known on the forums as
the crazy one who types in green. I recently returned from
my time in hiding/lurking in order to enter the "Love Sick"
contest. I highly doubt I ever would have been able to
forgive myself if I missed the first PA contest in over four
years. And I'm glad I entered, because somehow I managed to
get second place. But enough about me, onto the fanfic.
This fanfic is kind of special for me because it's not the
sort of story I'd normally write about. Instead of going to
my normal hunting grounds and finding some truly sickening
Kurama-Hiei piece so fluffy that even I want to puke after
reading it, or even going the lazy route and picking one of
my own fanshit "masterpieces" (there's a lot to pick from
there), I went and found myself a nice "romantic" oneshot at
FanFiction.Net for the anime I'm currently obsessing and
drooling over like I'm some sort of fangirl-
dogbitch with a
juicy, dripping, anime-steak being dangled in front of my
nose: Fullmetal Alchemist. This'll be my first FMA-based
fanfic mockery, so I hope it goes well.
Of course, although I'm relatively new to the FMA fandom,
I've been around other fandoms long enough to know what
pairings are the best for ripping on. Incest (especially of
the homosexual variety) is always a good choice, and it's
relatively easy to find. I've also been around long enough
to be all too familiar with the term Elricest. Now,
knowing a bit more about the canon in question, I can tell
you that this word makes my blood boil.
But enough about that; let's get started. This was in the
mature section of FF.Net, so I obviously set myself up for a
lemon. I ate a little too much earlier – I'm hoping this fic
will end with me puking, and I sincerely doubt that after
I'm done with this I'll be able to summon the strength to
find any of the aforementioned Kurama-Hiei fluff.
Deviating from my normal color scheme because Alex said it
would be formatted this way (and also because I am OCD about
matching), the original, unaltered text will be in
while my commentary will remain in plain ol' white.
A/N: who doesnt like this.
armorcest is so amazing.
Armorcest? Armorcest? Oh crap, that means Al's still
in that suit of armor, doesn't it? I'm not sure if that
makes this better or worse. Probably worse.
The edges around the mug of hot chocolate Edward pressed his
lips to was hot. He could almost feel his tongue burning at
the boiling beverage as the taste hit his buds, but it was a
good feeling. If it weren't so darn cold outside and in his
room, maybe he would have to take on such measures. But
weather had this way of just pissing people off.
Purple prose also has this way of just pissing people off.
Alphonse and him had settled into another one of the many
hotels they had found as they visited the town they had come
across. Winter had approached quickly, giving them only this
option - and luckily, their stay was packed with good
keeping, which included the nice hot chocolate he was
sipping at the moment. Making sure his sleeves were pulled
nicely over his hands so he didn't burn his palms, Edward
brought the mug to his mouth once again, taking a larger
sip, though careful not to burn himself.
I see Teacuisine doesn't know very much about the fandom,
which gives me slight hope for humanity. You see, a real FMA
fan would have said "hand" and "palm" because
HAS ONE FREAKING ARM AND THE OTHER IS AUTOMAIL WHICH IS LIKE
ALMOST THE ENTIRE POINT OF THIS SHOW ajsjfksnbfkdhf
Sitting on the other bed on the other side of him, Alphonse
had covered himself in a good four layers of blankets taken
from both his and Ed's bed covering. Edward had remembered
wanting to question him at this approach but had stopped
himself short, just letting Al indulge in whatever thoughts
he was thinking at that moment. Warmth from the covers was
unnecessary for him, so why take them? And he needed them to
keep himself warm, what with the dropping temperatures and
not-enough-heat-conditioning fit in their room. Al seemed to
be quite content with himself, just humming a small tune as
he pulled the blankets more over his armor and let out a
Well Mister Fullmetal Alchemist, it seems you don't know
much about what happens when metal gets cold – it contracts.
I assume automail is special and can handle this sort of
thing, but Al's armor is probably regular metal. He probably
doesn't want to break. So quit whining.
They had been silent for quite some time now. Edward had
guessed that it was because there was nothing to talk about,
and that if he did start speaking, he'd probably lose his
train of thought in his excessive complaining about the
temperature. A huff escaped his lips, causing his brother's
head to turn swiftly for a couple moments. Ed pulled his
sleeves more over his knuckles, the fabric now completely
covering his hands as he gently sat the mug down on his laps
as he started to cross his legs. Breaking the silence, he
quickly spoke, "Why do you need all of those blankets,
Al: Well if I could generate body heat, I wouldn't need so
many, now would I, brother?
Ed: Oh yeah... Sorry about that, Al.
His brother's head that was slowly turning back away from
him snapped back over. "Huh? Oh, these?" Alphonse gestured
to all of the blankets pilled ontop of him - and Edward
pictured inside his mind the younger boy's eyebrow going up
questioningly. "I'm keeping my armor warm."
"But why?" The Alchemist answered back, tapping his fingers
along the hot chocolate that was now cooling down, but only
mildly. "There's no reason to if you don't feel cold."
Al: Well you see Ed, I'm made of metal, which contracts in
the cold. Do you have any idea how weird that feels?
On another note, if the room's temperature is as cold as the
author's implying, why isn't his drink frozen or something?
Alphonse gave a quiet laugh, which only spiked Edward's
curiousity. "I've realized that, if you were wondering. If I
were human I'd be able to feel the dropping temperature, so
I'm pretending that I am cold, thus, the explanation for the
Al's reason is dumb. Mine is so much better.
Ed's expression was blank for a couple moments before he
pressed his lips into a straight line, his eyes lazing for a
moment as he shifted. He didn't like talking to his younger
brother about the things he could possibly feel if he were
human - or what he would feel when they got their bodies
back. It only led to the burning sensation he had in his
mind that there was no time for them to be sitting in a
hotel in these freezing weathers doing nothing when valuable
time was ticking on the clock. Sometimes, Edward tried to
put himself in Al's shoes and think, would I say the same
things if I was in a giant suit of armor? But most of the
time he couldn't.
And my reason gives Ed no reason to be angsty. I am clearly
the superior fanfic author here. ...Wow, how about that.
Alphonse gave another laugh before pulling his knees up,
some of the blankets dropping just for him to grab a hold of
them again. Ed found himself frowning. "If you're so cold,
then you can come sit with me, if you want to." There was an
offering tone to Al's voice.
Al: But seeing as how I don't generate heat, that could
possibly just make you colder.
Edward hummed softly, his hands loosening around the hot
chocolate mug and setting it over on the night stand as he
shifted a little bit off of the bed.
No, don't set down the hot chocolate! After all the screen
time and character development it's gotten thus far, I am
thoroughly concerned about it!
As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to say the hot chocolate
is the character in this fic I'm most attached to. Because
so far, the author's done a really piss-poor job of making
me care about the two characters in this story claiming to
be the Elric brothers.
Whatever made his younger brother happy, he couldn't deny.
After all, there was no harm in what Alphonse was doing, and
it wasn't hurting him in anyway. The blankets wouldn't grow
a pair of arms and legs and try to take over his brother's
Ed grit his teeth together at that thought. At least he
didn't think blankets had the power to grow arms and legs.
Now I see why the author was focusing on the hot chocolate
so much. The fact that it contained magical Stupid Juice is
obviously an important plot point.
But right now, his brother's offer had proved to be quite
tempting, and he did need the warmth. Hopefully, the fabric
settling nicely against Al's armor had warmed the metal to
some extent, so if he did lean against it for warmth, it
wouldn't be completely freezing. His body warmth would warm
the place he would be sitting anyway, even if his teeth were
chattering and his skin was sporting goosebumps, and he
wouldn't be one to complain unless his hypothesis was
OH MY GOD, JUST GO OVER THERE ALREADY.
As soon as his feet came in contact with the cooled carpet,
his body spoke quickly as he clampered onto his brother's
bed, directly moving for the spot on the armor with the most
blankets piled on top of it. Alphonse gave a quiet gasp as
Edward pressed his back against that spot and grabbed the
load of blankets, pulling them over his body and cuddling
them up against himself.
Bad sign number one: quiet gasps are never good.
Like, seriously. When I'm out looking for decent yaoi
lemons, if I see any form of "quiet gasp" my heart sinks and
my stomach clenches until I hit the back button. I don't
care how awesome it was before that.
They sat like that for a couple of blatant moments before Ed
gave a soft sigh, his lips curling into a smile of content.
"That's much, much more better." It definetly was, a
sensation of comfort taking over his body as he let his
muscles take in the newfound warmth and relax. "Thanks, Al!"
A couple of "blatant" moments, huh? The definitions for
blatant are brazenly obvious; offensively noisy or loud; and
Alphonse nodded deftly, his neck making a small squeaking
noise as he turned his head once again, one of his hands
settling against the older Alchemist's shoulder. It
definetly made him feel better that Edward felt more warm
than he had when he was sitting over on his own individual
bed, and if he could share how he felt with his older
brother, that just increased his happiness. Of course he
wished that even though the cold was horribly unpleasent, he
could feel it, and of course he wished that he could feel
the warmth when given, but Edward's comfort filled his head
with easy thoughts and that was enough for now.
Bad sign number two: that last part sounds suspiciously like
the last line of Breaking Dawn. Being reminded of Twilight
and Stephenie Meyer's writing style is an even bigger
turn-off than the quiet gasps.
Though they were oblivious to the weather outside, the wind
wisped around all of the snow outside that had turned into
fat marbles of fluffy whiteness. People walking outside
along the road had to drag their sinking feet through the
rising snow, their faces hidden by the near-freezing air
Sounds brutal. Too bad I don't care at all about the
struggles of random, nameless extras that have nothing to do
with the protagonists of the story.
Alphonse gave a small glance at the window, glad that they
weren't in that position. His brother would be bound to
catch a cold in the insane climate, and that wouldn't be
good for neither of them. A doctor's office had to be a good
way away, and it would probably be closed. A hospital would
be packed, no doubt.
Yeah, that ain't be no good fer neither'a them.
Edward shifted against Al and turned so that his head was
facing his younger brother's chest plate, golden eyes
skimming over a handful of quality workmanship and metal.
His top teeth clamped down on his bottom lip as he pressed
his cheek against it, and he could hear Alphonse's reaction
above him: a small gasp, fingers tightening around his flesh
shoulder. For a moment, Ed's mind seemed to give up as his
arms wrapped around Alphonse's mid section, giving it a
You know that scene in A Christmas Story where that kid gets
his tongue stuck to a flagpole? No reason, just wondering.
He had forgotten that they barely spent any time together.
Conversing would be just fine, but they couldn't even do
that. When they were able to sneak in time together, either
Major Armstrong or Winry would accompany them on the train,
preventing them from the precious talk they so desperately
wanted with each other. He could tell that Alphonse was just
dying to sneak in some time between them – and even if this
was the first moment they could share together in peace, it
was still progress – good progress, at that, and he wasn't
about to be greedy for more. Even at this rate.
No, this is bad. Very, very bad.
Edward smiled softly as he chuckled to himself, giving a
small kiss to the chest plate as his arms tightened. He
planted tiny kisses everywhere his mouth would reach,
ignoring Alphonse's squeaks of "what are you doing?" and
"that's embarassing!" above him. For some reason, the
blankets and Al wanting to pretend he actually felt the cold
had made something click in his mind.
Come ON! My brother actually did the Christmas Story thing
in our backyard one year, except to a scaffold instead of a
flagpole. But still! That actually happens! Where's the
logic, the reason, the science I expect from my FMA?
"You're pretending that you're cold, which is why you have
the blankets, right?" Edward said to Alphonse, who had moved
to give them just more space, though it was evident he was
resisting due to embarassment, "And you also want to spend
more time with me instead of just running around all over
the place, wanting our bodies back?"
Confused, Al nodded above him. "Y-yes, but-!"
I'm just as confused as you are Al, don't worry. Try
chanting "there's no place like home" and see if you can get
out of this bad acid trip.
Edward continued his ministrations, but this time, he craned
his neck to reach more places, his lips now holding
themselves against the metal of Al's armor longer then they
had before. "Then pretend that I'm warming you, okay? And
that we're 'bonding' together rather than just speaking to
each other about what we want in the future." As he said
these words, his smile became a little bit wider, and
Alphonse's hand moved to his underarm.
You know, Ed, even though your brother technically isn't
human because he doesn't have a body, I'm going to go out on
a limb here and say that this is probably still morally
wrong and would be frowned upon by society.
So as he pretended that every inch of metal that he was
kissing was his brother's skin instead, he could only think
how wrong it was and how he didn't care. He could also
imagine how Alphonse could possibly reacting, wishing,
wanting he had his body back - though it was a little too
early to tell, and he found himself getting up onto his
knees to press his lips warmly to the Al's neck plate, his
eyes seeing through the little crack and locking on the
blood seal. Alphonse whimpered, quietly, before he moved up
once again to kiss at the spot his younger brother's mouth
Yes, I'm sure Alphonse wants his body back just so he can
engage in immoral sexual acts with his older brother. Yup.
That sounds totally in-character to me.
Only his imagination could provide him with the thought of
how soft Al's lips would be, how they're kiss would be
hesitant before the younger Elric would lean forward into it
gently. Edward cast a good name on this, though he wasn't
one to go off on thinking whether or not him and Alphonse's
relationship would escalate from just brotherly. He found
himself closing his eyes and letting his teeth chaf against
the metal he was currently kissing(and it tasted very
interesting), and Alphonse let out a quiet, "brother?" as
the hand on Edward's underarm moved to his torso.
Are you... You're unsure if your relationship will go past
brotherly? That's like murdering someone in a crowded place
and afterwards thinking idly, "Hmm, I wonder if I'll go to
Sensations poured into the older Elric's body as he pressed
his body closer to his brother's armored form, his own hands
moving from the metal back to Al's helmet, holding there for
moments and moments as he pulled back, a light smile on his
face. He could see his younger brother's eyes dim for a
moment before relighting, and he could feel the fingers on
his chest tightening considerably hard-
And Ed got flung across the room. Al then put all of his
energy into erasing that from his mind forever.
Edward was surprised to see Alphonse taking a small lead in
their 'bonding', his arms moving once more and lifting so
that his shirt could be pulled up, over his head, and tossed
to the ground. Al's hands were cold on his chest for a
moment before they warmed, and Ed found himself leaning
against the other's chest plate, his abdomen stiffening as
he was touched, not too hard or too soft, but as if he
hadn't for a long time.
Really, I don't think metal warms that quickly.
Speaking of which, Ed's hot chocolate is probably cool
enough to drink by now.
He would have done this sooner if he was able to. He let his
arms fall against Al's large shoulders as he tried to ignore
the increasing, dull throb in his hips. He couldn't identify
it, since he had no experience, so he let it pass. Though he
was wearing track pants, the constriction around his waist
and down felt as though he were confined to his leather
pants, that were over hanging off the side of his bed post,
and he could only wonder if it was normal. Alphonse's body
lurched against him for a second, and Edward was greeted
with a jolt of mild arousal coursing through his body like a
bullet as the stomach of his brother's armor pressed against
his lower body.
Awwwwwww! Ed just got his first boner ever from his younger
brother. How kawaii~!
Please shoot me.
"A-are you alright?" Alphonse asked - stunned, as Ed's face
twisted for a moment before loosening, the blonde's lips
parting, "Did I hurt y-"
"No." Edward cut in, his voice laced with slight lust and a
tremble if you listened carefully, "It just feels .. good.
Amazing, even. Keep going."
Bad sign number three: ...well, there's nothing I can
generalize this as, but if your target audience (yaoi
fangirl, AKA me) is sickened by a few words or a phrase,
you're doing something terribly wrong.
I mean hell, I know I mentioned that the word Elricest makes
my blood boil, but I'll read anything for the sake of good
yaoi. I read fics with pairings I normally wouldn't even
dream of shipping because I'll admit that even if I don't
like the pairing, it can be written well. (That's actually
how I got into most of my ships in the first place.) But
slight lust and a tremble if you listened carefully gave me
that sinking feeling I get in my stomach I get on a roller
coaster before I start screaming "HELPMEJESUSIDON'TWANNADIELETMEOFFTHERIDEOHJESUSSAVEME!"
Which isn't what I want to feel when reading yaoi.
Though he did drag Alphonse into this, he was surprised to
see his brother nod and lean forward a bit, his other hand
now selecting it's course downward and stop at the elastic
of his track pants, thumb flicking against it. The want that
filled Edward's mind the moment he noticed the little flick
against his skin was something not even he could understand
as he glanced down, his Auto-Mail arm falling off of the
shoulder plate to press against the thigh of Al's armor. He
could feel Alphonse's finger dip into his track pants but
not go far, and he chanted inside his head, go, do
something, before Al's other hand moved against his back.
I dunno about the rest of you, but I think someone's arm
falling off would kinda ruin the mood.
Now they were both shifting towards the edge of the bed.
Both of Edward's legs locked around his brother's stomach as
the younger Elric's own legs swung off the side of the
matress. They stayed like that for a couple of seconds,
before Alphonse hummed and said, "This is not a dream," low
underneath his breath.
"This is a nightmare."
Edward let out a small, choked laugh, his hips now rocking
against the metal in front of them, generating friction.
Luckily, the pants he wore were thin(and so were his boxers,
but he wasn't letting the other know this), giving him an
easy go, and his head dropped against Alphonse's neck as his
brother's hand on his back rubbed in small circles, little
throbs of pleasure going straight to his arousal.
Ed: This is even better than humping the couch! Or the bed,
or the nightstand, or the chair, or...!
Though they weren't moving nearly as much as Edward had
hoped he would, the braid his hair had been tied into was
now a messy river of blond flowing down his back that stuck
to his neck and shoulder blades, sticky from the increasing
There's this thing called TMI, author, and now I'm imagining
sexy Edward with his hair untied and my inner fangirl is
bawling like you have no idea.
As he let out a quiet moan, Alphonse's hand, the one
settling against his chest, moved down towards his confined
length that was asking for the attention he couldn't give
except for the thrusting he was doing against his brother's
metal stomach. Edward's mind almost blanked as a large thumb
rubbed against him through his pants, and his body tensed,
his veins numbing. "A-al," he groaned coherently, his tongue
licking at his lips as his body grew increasingly aroused,
eyes closed, "k-keep doing that, mm~"
I hope Ed catches some kind of nasty STD from this. Or at
least tetanus. He deserves it for saying "mm~".
Alphonse's body was finally coming to be more effective for
more then just fighting now as his stomach muscles pulsed
and tensed. Letting out a low keen, hot breaths of air
escaped his mouth as he gave a hard thrust into Al's large
hand, the bed they were sitting on giving a loud creak. Too
many feelings took over Edward's form as his mind tried to
keep up with them, and he could feel the wet stickiness now
forming in his boxers. He was too far gone in the pleasure
to feel embarassed by it, however, focused majorly on the
coiling heat in his stomach. His arms trembled as his
Auto-Mail hand moved to grasp his brother's hand pressing
against him, adding more pressure, applying more pleasure,
and he let out a loud moan, followed by a gasp as he came,
his body thrown taut, the feeling nostalgic.
I thought Ed's arm fell off a few paragraphs back. Eh,
whatever. Continuity is the least of this fic's problems...
Also, if Al is a hunk of metal, how are his muscles pulsing
and tensing? And how is the feeling nostalgic if Ed has no
experience with this sort of thing? LOGIC? HELLO? WHERE ARE
His hand loosened and his body relaxed almost immediately
upon impact, his pants loud and uneven as he let his hips
that had still been thrusting awkwardly stop. Alphonse went
to go say something but stopped himself short as Edward let
his head fall to the side, his other hand coming to brush
all the hair out of his face. The room temperature had
definetly risen to an overwhelming temperature to the older
Elric, and his mind was so overcome with fading pleasure and
joy that he hadnt noticed.
Okay, so... hand jobs heat up a room better than setting its
walls on fire. Got it.
It was only when Alphonse finally broke the silence that
Edward finally snapped back into reality. "Are you alright
"Amazing," Edward breathed, his breath raspy and weared out
as he let each breath pass through his lips softly. "I dunno
how long I've been wanting us to do something together that
would benefit off of both our happiness."
Al: I'm not actually 'happy', brother. I'd say it's more
like 'scarred for life'.
Alphonse brought his hand up and away from his other
brother's body, discreetly wiping it off on the bed sheets
as he sighed in agreement, comfort evident on his voice.
Al (mentally chanting): By wiping my hand, I wipe my mind
clean of the memories...
"I'm glad that you've been thinking the same thing. Armor
prevents me from doing a lot of things, though, so I'm glad
that this happened, too."
If anything, Edward would've thought that his brother would
go down on him
with a line of flustered words and unexplainable feelings.
Oh. No, wait, that's still a WHAT!?
A wave relief was lifted off his shoulders as he pressed his
lips into a straight line and closed his eyes, wiping his
hair away again. As he reached over to grab one of the
blankets and pull it over himself, Alphonse quietly asked
him that if he was still hot from only a couple minutes ago,
why he needed the heavy blanket covering him.
Ed: Because I'm too
tired lazy to re-dress myself, Al.
"It's still freezing in the room."
Ed replied tiredly, though a smile played on his lips. "And
I want to keep you warm, too."
I think I can speak for everyone ever when I say:
No, I mean, seriously. Just... What was that? I get ending
the fic on a quote from a character that is touching and
cute, but that? That doesn't even make any sense!
NO DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT PSEUDO-JAPANESE BULLSHIT I'M
NOT DONE RANTING – oh wait, it's over. I don't have to
continue trying to make you laugh through your pain, make
you smile through your heartache, or channel the rage of all
living things with my capslock. Okay, breathe. Let's wrap
So, to quickly recap what you just tried to read: Ed tries
to reenact A Christmas Story using Al, fails, and then
gets jacked off by his brother. As far as contest entries went,
it's like I found the gold in the crap pile. Except instead of
gold, I found the smelliest, stickiest piece of crap. And that
piece of crap also has AIDS.
These aren't the main characters of Fullmetal Alchemist. They
can't be. Yes, Ed and Al would do pretty much anything for each
other. But they know there's a line that they can't cross, and
they know they have to back down when they get there. You may
remember this: towards the end of the 2003 anime, there was a
point where Al was held hostage by some of the homunculi, and Ed
was being told to perform a transmutation to create the
philosopher's stone and turn them into humans in exchange for
Al's life. Ed soon found out that the transmutation would have
killed a lot of prisoners, who until recently had been in the
room above. The philosopher's stone would have eventually given
him the power to turn Al back into a human, but more
immediately, it would have saved Al's life. What did Ed decide?
He couldn't do it. He couldn't kill a bunch of innocent people,
even if it meant not reaching their ultimate goal or even saving
Al's life. That was a line he couldn't cross.
I can't believe I just compared committing murder to jacking off
one's brother, even if they are both alike in the sense that
they are horrible and morally wrong. But I'd like to think the
Elric brothers (or anyone for that matter) would also not cross
that particular line.
On top of that, this story could easily have been from any
fandom at all. With minimal changes, this could have been a
Harry Potter fic staring everyone's favorite twins, Fred and
George. A fanfiction should have some trace of the source
material in it somewhere. Harry Potter fics should be
full of magic, Trinity Blood fics full of vampires, Megas XLR
fics full of crack and pop culture references, etc. There was no
alchemy in this fic. For that matter, there wasn't much science
at all, or even logic or common sense. Hell, we weren't even
told where they were! They were just at some random hotel in
some random city during the random winter. For all we know it
was really the Pokémon center in Lavender Town.
In conclusion, this fic was full of fail. It fails in morality,
it fails as a Fullmetal Alchemist fic, it fails at
characterization, and it fails at being good yaoi. But as
horrible as it was, I hope I made it somewhat easier for you to
stomach. Somehow I managed to, but instead of calling that a
victory, I vote we consider it a dangerously close call and all
just give up fandoms forever. Yes. That sounds like a good plan.
...By the way, whatever happened to Ed's goddamn hot chocolate?
-Written by Kuramastrass.