After an extremely
well-received debut on Project AFTER, Styles Rockman returns...
WITH A VENGEANCE! His first victim, a painfully long and
thoroughly insane Digimon fanfiction, ended up merely
being practice for the atrocities he would tackle next. The
putrid parade of submissions sent in by Mr. Rockman has been
quite impressive, and it's led by the very first Witch
Hunter Robin fanfic to appear on this site. And for any
Witch Hunter Robin fans reading this, let me go ahead and
The fanfic, which I expect will soon become infamous among this
site's readers (and possibly the entire internet), is entitled
"Deflowering Robin". The one and only piece of good news I can
offer is that, contrary to the title's implications, the fic
does NOT contain rape. The, err, "deflowering" sequence is
purely consensual... Almost too consensual, in fact.
That's the one positive mark I can give this story. Everything
else is just exceedingly, unrelentingly bad on every level, the
one exception being the level of bad that really means good.
Thankfully, like the heroes of legend who would charge into the
dens of demons with righteous vigor and a thirst for blood,
Styles Rockman takes on this disaster of a story with a passion
that is both beautiful and terrible. You definitely don't want
to fuck with this guy, especially if you're a badly-written
fanfiction that debases a pair of characters from one of his
favorite anime series.
For those of you who are easily offended, what in the hell are
you doing on this site? Seriously, you have little to no hope of
actually enjoying any of this website's features. You're just
going to get all upset and probably send me hatemail that I'll
have to delete, and be forced to waste an entire three seconds
of my day in the process. For everyone who isn't a church-going
grandmother who thinks comedy is a tool of the devil, please
read on and enjoy Style Rockman's laughable lambasting of this
lackluster load of lewd lesbian literature. - Alex
Guest Special: "Deflowering Robin"
(A 'Witch Hunter Robin' fanfiction by
Greetings, fellow fanfic despisers. Styles Rockman here
once again to brighten up your day. My last review was a
little long, so I decided to tone down the lengthicalness a
little bit in exchange for illicit explicitness and more
Like my last review, I set out searching for a bad
fanfiction to review, this time setting my sights on
Witch Hunter Robin fanfics. Being a huge fan of the
series, I knew it would be a very difficult task to sit
through the impending, infinite, insurmountable pile of
donkey shit that lay ahead of me. That's all I have to say
After some time spent hunting awful fanfiction, this little
number caught my eye. Perhaps it was the unnecessary
abundance of pink on the page I found it on, or maybe it
wasn't. Either way, the summary went thusly:
Robin has her first sexual
experience, but with who was a very big shock. She had been
unaware of her own sexuality up until then.
I knew then and there that this was going to be a winner.
Written by someone who goes only by the cryptic alias "Jd
Wheels", the oddly titled "Deflowering Robin" is a tale of
Robin being put in a rather awkward and supposedly erotic
situation. What happens after that is sure to blow every
part of your mind. Also, I use more big words like
"omnipotent", "alloy", and "elephant".
Let's get this mother fucker revvin'!
Miho looked at Robin with a very strange gaze.
I don't like where this is going...
Her eyes were watching the young girl
moving across the room, as if she was on a cushion of air as she
moved so gracefully. Miho closed her eyes tightly, and turned
Bringing her hands to her chest and exhaling heavily, all lights
but one spot faded as she fell to her knees and wept. The
curtains drop, and the audience leave their seats confused and
Everyone knew that Miho was a lesbian,
yet that was never an issue in the STN
offices. No one had even batted an eye when she had came out to
them, simply treating her just like they usually had..
All the while imbued with a powerful sense of futility.
She was very grateful for this, and
they made her feel like she was a part of the team still, and
respected in the utmost.
Miho, on the other hand, now found it a problem.
Her lesbian license had expired...
A big one.
Three months ago.
The hunter woman had always found
herself being very attracted to the young fire-user.
I GUESS SHE'S HOT FOR HER! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
More than any other woman or girl in
her life, she felt the pull like no other. She fought these
urges, but it was getting harder to separate her feelings from
Right there is a real good indication of when you need to go on
One night, she was working a case of a
witch with the power to liquify people's minds with a single
That thought being "Hey, I should write a Witch Hunter Robin
The witch was being hunted for a string
of killings, all of which were his own family members. Revenge
or not, the witch had to be stopped, his last victim was his own
little brother, only twelve years old.
What, he hadn't figured out that his older brother was
systematically killing off the rest of his family? Little shit
The man was deranged, to say the least,
as the power probably had made his own brain unstable
I like how this guy has an obvious boner for commas, yet every
now and then he forgets to use a period. It's like if marks of
punctuation were his children, Comma would get a brand new bike
for no reason, while Period would be constantly neglected and
told to shut up and go play in his room when he complained about
She had been assigned to work with
Robin on this one, as Amon and Sakaki were already on another
case across town. The parings had been set that way, SOLOMON had
asked for the men to take out the much more dangerous witch that
was randomly killing people with the power to pull people
Either this guy is dyslexic or he just has a poor handle on
appropriate word placement. I'm going to give him the benefit of
the doubt, and go with the former.
Miho sat in her car, binoculars
searching a housing complex they had been told the witch they
hunted, was holing up in.
Yo, yo, yo, why you all up in my hole, dawg?
Robin was in the passenger seat,
waiting to see what the lady was looking for.
" Do you see anything, Miss Karasuma?" She asked softly.
"No, I've suddenly gone blind! Why would you ask if-- GOD! Just
get out. I said GET OUT!"
" I don't..." She said, lowering her
Miho just looked at the girl, and found
herself looking at the young girl's face. She marveled at it's
smoothness of skin, and drunk in the young girl's perfect
Unable to steer her gaze away from the young girl's face, she
covered her face with her hands but in her mind she saw the face
of the young girl's face, she inhaled the girls toxicity, and,
her, young girl's, face.
The green eyes seemed to captivate her,
holding her there spellbound for a long moment.
YOUR JEDI MIND TRICKS WILL NOT WORK ON ME, WENCH!
Miho could feel her panties getting
wet, as the girl's Jasmin perfume wafted to her. She could feel
herself shiver a little.
So she got dressed, and silently wondered why she had stripped
down to her underwear in the first place.
She fought her amorous feelings and
snapped herself out of her own thoughts. She now noticed that
Robin was looking at her with a very questioning eye.
Looks like someone got a thesaurus for Christmas!
" Robin?" She said, being a little
surprised at finding the girl looking at her the way she was.
" Why were you looking at me right now, Miss Karasuma?" She
asked, her innocence shining through.
"WHAT I TELL YOU 'BOUT LOOKIN' AT ME, HO?" *Slap!*
Miho thought hard at what to respond to
She decided it would be best to respond to her question, and
then kicked her in the face with her lesbian legs.
She was a virginal as they come, and
Miho found herself almost lusting after the girl.
Definitely lusting before, and to a lesser extent during the
A bad thing to do with an innocent like
It's interesting how the author chose to subtly play up Robin's
innocence considering how she has no personal qualms about
burning suspected witches to ashes, sleeps naked, and has bad
thoughts about a man twice her age and size.
" I was thinking how pretty you are."
She said, being truthful but surprising herself with the
" You think I am pretty?" Asked Robin, with a surprised tone.
" Very much." Miho admitted.
"...Pretty STUPID! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
The girl blushed, as she looked at
Miho. Miho felt her body shiver, as that little smile sent
shockwaves through her entire being.
Oh hell no, Heaven's Smiles in Witch Hunter Robin? (FYI
Heaven's Smiles are from Killer7. Go look them up and
that last quip will be a whole lot funnier.)
" Thank you." Said the shy girl.
The two went back to being silent in their surveillance, looking
for the elusive witch that they tracked, as the sin set
"Oh my fuck, it's half past purgatory already!"
Miho just settle herself down, as
thoughts of the girl still danced through her mind.
Like sugar plums of pedophilia.
They broke off the surveillance a hour
or so later on, after Michael had called them on their
communicators. It seemed that this site was the wrong one,
and they had to go and check out
another site in the morning.
"Hmm... What to do until the morning... What to do... What to
do... We could, no... No, that wouldn't work... Hmm... How about
The first Intel they had was wrong.
They went back to the headquarters, to see first hand the
information that the lad had gotten for themselves.
The lad had made them sad, yo, now the clown wasn't around to
show them the info, proper! Aight, I'ma kick it OLD SCHOOL MOTHA
To make a plan of action, you needed to see all of what the team
might have to use.
We've gone from third-person narrative to instruction manual.
They exited the car, after Miho had parked in their underground
lot. They met at the front of the car, each going to go get the
Robin stopped the girl, hist at the met at the car's front
" I want to ask you something..." The girl asked, almost too
softly to hear except in the echoing of the parkade.
You see that? That is the beginning of the author's inexplicable
infatuation with ellipses. Err, ellipsis? Ellipsiseses?
" I will answer you, if I can..." Said Miho, shocked at the
normally quiet girl's question.
It's just a question, she's not asking you to disarm a fucking
The girl pondered her words for a second or two, as Miho waited.
" You said I was pretty..." She started, some what hesitantly. "
I know you like girls... in that way... is it like that for
you... to me?"
Miho was surprised at the girls's question.
Mainly because there were so many of them talking at the same
She did not even think the young convent raised girl would even
know such things, but the girl surprised her with the knowledge.
Knowledge is power! GAY POWER!
She smiled though, as the girl's query made her shiver. She knew
she needed to be truthful.
So she ripped off her mask and revealed herself to be Satan. The
girls'ss obvious relief showed on her face.
" Yes...It is." She replied.
I've interrupted so many times I don't even remember what the
There was a perplexed look on Robin's angelic face, but her eyes
stared right into Miho's face. It seemed like she was possessing
" Does that mean you wanted to kiss me?"
Oh shit, right. The lesbian thing.
She bluntly asked Karasuma. " Like a boy wants to kiss a girl?"
"As in the way our Lord and Savior intended, you
devil-worshipping homosexual heathen!"
" Truthfully... yes." Miho said, feeling her own cunt twitch
with the admission she give the girl.
Usually people get a nervous twitch on their face. Or, in some
cases, their middle finger.
Miho was suddenly surprised. Robin had stepped right up to Miho
and looked right at her. The hunter woman could see that the
girl's breathing was deeper and more rapid, her small breasts
under her old styled dress heaved up and down deliciously.
Mmm! Fresh milk!
She fought the urge she had of grabbing the young girl and
kissing the living shit out of her,
Woah, that's pretty fucking intense. Slow down there, Miho.
Actually, that makes me wonder, how extreme does one have to be
to kiss the living shit out of someone? Is Bruce Lee that
extreme? Is Jason Statham that extreme?
and reluctantly stopped ...but she was only human
The girl leaned in and surprisingly give the woman a soft peck
on the lips.
It was almost as soft as a butterfly kiss,
That was almost poetic, except that it wasn't in any way at all.
but it made the woman ache. Throwing it all to the wind, the
woman wrapped her arms around the young one, passionately
kissing the girl. To Miho's pleasure, the girl did not squirm or
try to get away.
The roofie worked!
The girl's actually kiss become more deep and urgent
The lady felt the girl's small and very compact body against
hers, the smell of the girl's perfume was more distinct with her
In case you weren't aware of how human senses worked.
The girl wrapped her own arms around the woman, and they stood
there in a passionate embrace.
The girl's hands explored the woman's body, and the woman held
the girl's head closer to the woman's chest while the girl
rubbed her pelvis against the girl's hips and the guy in the
closet whacked off furiously.
Miho began to kiss the girl on the jaw line,
The girl became so weirded out that she pushed Miho out of the
window. Who the fuck kisses someone's jaw line?
then moved her lips slowly to the neck. She could feel the girl
shaking, and heard a moan come from her. Miho's head spun, as
she kissed the girl ravenously, her hands resting now on the
The girl was gasping, her arms clutching Karasuma's body to her
own. The hunter woman squeezed one of Robin's breasts in her
hands. By the groan that passed the girl's lips,
By the power of Grayskull!
Robin felt the shocks of pleasure flash through herself.
Miho's hands went down both sides of the girl, feeling the
smallness of the body under her touch. She could feel the sides
heaving with every touch she made, becoming faster and faster.
It's kind of like watching Alien, except it's horrible and it
makes me vomit out my ass.
The girl cooed softly, as Miho slid her hands lower. The girl
did not even move a muscle with her move.
The brown haired woman slid her hand to gather up the girl's
And pants'd the living shit out of her.
She hoisted them until she could slip a hand under the hem. Once
under the skirt, Miho came in contact with the girls simple
white panties, and felt the anticipation mounting coming from
both of them She slid her hand across the front of the
underwear, and felt the heat coming off of the body under the
"What's this furnace doing down here?"
Moving her hand down the fabric, she slowly slid her hand
between the girl's legs.
And found a tiny leprechaun shoveling coal.
Robin's briefs were already very wet on the crotch, to the point
of soaking, and Karasuma could smell the excitement the girl was
experiencing. She ran her fingers along the wet cotton, tracing
the outline of the little cunt held within. She felt the girl
stiffen, then a gasp came out of her mouth.
" Oh... your... your touching me there... in my private
William Shatner: The Early Years. Episode 4: "The night daddy
came into my room."
She gasped, her eyes widening. " It makes me feel like tingly."
" Do you want me to stop?" Miho asked, looking deep into the
Yes, oh GOD yes!
The craft-girl moved her legs apart, to answer the woman. Miho
just continued to kiss her neck , and pushed her against the
car. Robin let herself be half laying on the hood, her legs
still spread for the woman's hand to investigate deeper.
Are they back on the stakeout? "Robin, I think that
mind-liquefying vampire may be hiding inside your uterus!"
Miho took her other hand and slid the cotton undies down to just
above young Robin's knees.
I really wish the author would not keep reminding me of Robin's
age. It makes it so much more enjoyable for me when I imagine
her being FUCKING LEGAL!
Her hand dipped in between the quivering legs and felt the
unknown treasure that awaited her.
"HARRR! DON'T BE GRABBIN' ME BOOTY!" *Rimshot*
The pussy she came in contact with was soft and nearly hairless,
the vague feeling of stubble told Miho that the girl was in the
habit of shaving her pussy, which she would have never guessed
Robin did for herself.
PRO TIP: Girls raised in convents don't shave their pubic hair.
Touching the outer lips, the girl groaned and kissed the woman
hard, pushing her pelvis right to the hand. The woman obliged,
and slid a finger to part the lips of the cunny, making Robin
Cunny? I never thought there was a euphemism for the vagina that
could actually make me sick. Until now.
The wetness of the girl was incredible
She deserved a medal.
Miho swooned as her fingers could feel the heat of the
juices. Slipping a finger inside the girl, she could feel just
how much it was juicing under her manipulations.
She slid the digit in until she was all the way in. Robin's hips
bucked up against the invader, legs now spreading farther to
accommodate as Miho's hand knuckle was pressing up against the
Good lesbian sex always involves a lot of furious vagina
Pumping the digit in to the girl with practiced finesse, she
could feel the girl's body quake with absolute pleasure. Miho
rained kisses over the neck of the young girl, and felt the
passion that was building in the young one. Adding a second
finger, the tightness of the girl was evident, but Robin never
tried to get away.
Oh please, try. Do it for me. Just this once.
Miho pushed the girl all the way back on to the car, and knelt a
little between the lovely thighs that beckoned her.
"GET DA FUCK OFF ME!"
She slid the underwear right off of the legs, and dropped them
to the concrete and moved the skirts up past Robin's waist.
And, much to her surprise, found a young Bruce Campbell.
The young pussy in front of Miho was a soft dusty pink color,
all swollen and glistening with juices.
Something tells me the author has never seen a vagina outside
It seemed to vibrate in front of her eyes, and Karasuma licked
her lips with anticipation, as it looked delicious,
Oh God, I can't believe I just said that.
as well as beautiful. Robin's virginal cunt was there, and the
girl was willing to let her have it... have it first.
She lowered her head between the legs, taking in the wonderful
musky smell that intertwined with the Jasmin perfume as it
tickled her nose. She could not remember the last time she felt
so horny, and Robin was the fuel that was fueling her fire.
Her fire was so fiery it fired her fueled sexual fire with FIRE.
She readied her tongue for the fist taste with great
How do you prepare your tongue for something? A training montage
involving tiny barbells?
The hunter woman's lips kissed the outer lips with a light
touch, drinking in the first taste of this girl. Robin moved her
legs to fully open, placing her feet on the car beside her
bottom. She was wide open to Miho now, the way was fully opened.
" Do... whatever you want too..." She gasped, feeling the
woman's lips on her swollen cunny.
I think I just threw up a bit. In my mouth.
"...Stop while you still have some shred of your dignity!"
Licking the small erect nub that she found nestled in the folds,
Miho found pleasure as the girl moaned, reaching down with her
hands to keep her head there. The Hunter-woman dove right in to
the task, licking with a vengeance,
*Dramatic sting* A woman, a girl, a face... The delectable
surprise that awaits them both; the fiery fuel that fuels the
fire... OF REVENGE! Coming this summer, the action event of the
millennium: CUNNILINGUS III: LICKING WITH A VENGEANCE!
smearing her saliva all over the protruding labia and tasting
the girl's bouquet of sweetness.
God damn, I feel sick...
She was so very sweet tasting, so mind-blowing and amazingly
Miho could not lick fast enough for herself.
You're not doing it for yourself, you're doing it for JESUS.
She closed her eyes, and let herself ride the waves of passion
and lust that thundered through her.
Actually, that's just gas.
With great expertise, the woman lapped the girl, flicking the
nub with circular motions with the tongue That elicited Robin to
grind her pussy in to Miho's face in response. The woman then
inserted a finger with one hand, as she continued to lap away at
the young cunt.
Real creative use of euphemism there, jackfuck.
A squeal of ecstasy echoed through the parkade
Miho responded by quickening her work.
Robin could feel her body twitch and shake, deep with in her she
felt something building.
It was making her crazy, and she pulled the head of the woman in
And it came off in her hands.
feeling the tongue doing it's work. Sweat flowed down her face
as she felt the pressure rising, and her need for it to be
released also climbing. She did not understand it all, but
she knew inside of herself that she needed to have the woman do
Like her taxes.
Miho could feel the girl was stiffening and quivering, telling
that Robin was on the very brink of an orgasm, and planned to
make sure the young one would never forget this moment.
So she blew a whistle and everyone jumped out from behind the cars and shouted "SURPRISE!" The surprise was evident on
the young girls's face.
She pulled her hand away and doubled her tongues speed,
FULL SPEED AHEAD!
now going all out on the clitoris that was fully hard and ready,
traveling circles around the pleasure nub with speed she did not
know she had.
Suddenly, a warning siren went off, and thick smoke began to
pour out of Miho's ears before a shower of sparks erupted from
her mouth, and her entire body shook violently.
Robin gasped, and her body started to shake and uncontrollably
quake. She felt something wash over her, and all she could do
was close her eyes and arch her back while slamming her pussy to
meet the woman's oral directions.
"No, LEFT YOU MORON!"
The electric shocks crashed through her body and soul, and she
felt the power of her first orgasm flow over her. She screamed
out to the echos,
They screamed back, and it was really awkward.
not worrying if any one would hear at that point, Miho's name
barreled out of her lips.
Miho felt the girl's pussy spew it's sweet nectar, flooding her
mouth and bathing her face with it's wetness. She lapped with
THERE IS NO MIHO ONLY ZUUL! Oh, wait, zeal.
just wanting to drink up every last drop that the little cunny
could give her, wanting to literally milk it dry. The more she
lapped, the more orgasms flowed through the young girl, one
after the other. Miho lost count after giving Robin ten earth
Which is, coincidentally, also the number of times I remember
vomiting before losing count.
and she still kept up in the intention of giving the young girl
squirming on her tongue way more.
Sweaty and spent, the young crafter finally felt her orgasms
waning as the woman finally stopped.
Robin could only lay there, panting heavily and looking up at
the ceiling with overwhelming feelings.
Miho pulled her head from between Robin's legs and looked at the
tawny beauty with her face glistening with juices and a face
filled with pride in what she had done.
" Did you... enjoy that?"
Miho asked, after letting the girl catch her breath for a
" It was great..."
"As far as violent rapes go, anyway."
Blushed the girl, sitting up a little.
Miho reached down and handed the girl back her underwear from
the concrete floor, still being able to smell the intoxicating
musk that bathed her face. Robin looked at the woman, holding
the wet panties in her hand.
Eww, they landed in a puddle of hobo urine...
" Miss Karasuma..." Said the girl, her face glowing red, but a
smile on her face.
" Yes, little Robin?" Said the woman.
Her face covered with cunny juice, but a surprised look on her
" Will you... take me home with you tonight?" She asked,
blushing with her forward question.
" Do you want me to?" Asked Miho,
That's a really backward answer.
feeling excited with that prospect of more time with the young
" Yes... I... Do..."
William Shatner: The Early Years. Episode 5: "Billy's dad asks if
he likes it when he comes into his room at night."
Robin said, her face blushing brighter.
" I would like to.. Do what you did to me... on you."
Miho smiled and nodded, making the young girl smile with the
"Would it be bad... to hurry? Robin asked almost tentatively,
making herself blush even worse than she already was.
Her head is so full of blood by now it's going to pop like an
overfilled water balloon!
Miho giggled, and smiled broadly to the
girl. She took Robin's hand in hers and looked into the bright
green orbs that looked squarely at her.
Having played Castlevania 2, she knew to throw the oak
stakes at them.
" I would say that it was not 'bad' at
"I mean, I've had better..."
" Good!" The young one said, a giggle
passing through the word. " I... want to explore this more... if
that is the right words to use..."
The two then started to giggle a little and hurried to catch the
elevator. They could not wait to get what they needed to know
from the computer whiz, as the night was still young for far
more pleasurable pursuits to come.
Ha ha, get it? Because they're lesbians!
Well, there you have it. The incessant malapropisms were
made all the more noticeable by the fact that the author kept
using the same seven words over and over. I counted, there are
twelve instances of the word "face", twenty of "young", and way
too fucking many of "cunny".
Wow, I guess I kind of lied about shortening the lengthalityish
of the review, didn't I? Although, to be fair, it was only six
pages when I got it; the added nine were my own ramblings. Which
were, of course, to spare you from having to read this godawful
pile of horse testicles without interruption. The mental
endurance and spiritual willingness it would take to do so is
equivalent to killing yourself with paper cuts while your
next-door neighbor with the better lawn repeatedly pelts you
with stillborn fetuses every twelve seconds. And your eyeballs
are on fire.
It's not even the absurd setting that the two characters find
themselves in, because that would just be too easy to poke fun
at. It's the author's incredibly erratic vocabulary. His
combination of malapropisms and internet porno euphemisms create
a sickening image not masked by his obvious desire to write a
romance novel. Hey look, I can be a fanfic writer too:
As the angel beside me rolled over in her sleep, her breasts
warm and provocative on my side, I breathed heavily a sigh of
pleasure. My cock.
-Written by Styles Rockman.