Welcome to the official Project AFTER homepage! If this is
your first time visiting, then please come in and enjoy the
site's many exciting and comical features* that exist solely
for your entertainment. Please feel free to bookmark the site
in case you want to come back and view it again at a later
time. Return visitors are almost unheard of around here, but
hey, maybe you'll have unusually low standards or something.
"But hold on a minute. What is this 'Project AFTER'
phenomenon you speak of, anyway?" If that's what you were
thinking just now, then congratulate yourself for pondering
a damn good question! First, let's start with the meaning
behind the site's rather cryptic title. Project A.F.T.E.R. is actually an
Project Anime Fanfiction:
Twisted Entertainment Review
This previously top-secret operation is the result of many
years of costly and tiresome research to discover what
exactly is causing modern society to plunge into its current
downward spiral toward oblivion. Astonishingly, all test
results have thus far pointed to one horrifying conclusion.
War, pollution, disease, world hunger, natural disasters,
cosplayers... They all stem from the same vile source: bad
Admittedly, it may seem harmless enough at first glance, but
in reality it is a potent, all-consuming evil that has
silently corrupted humanity since the dawn of time (and, by
"the dawn of time", I mean the mid 1980s). Today, bad anime
fanfiction is content to waste your precious online
web-surfing time with its seemingly never-ending tedium and
idiocy that has infected hundreds upon hundreds of
unsuspecting websites. Tomorrow, however, it may very well
be out murdering your children and setting fire to your
While the future may seem ridden with pain and despair, all
is not lost! Through Project AFTER, a creation that can only
be described as a demonstration of human ingenuity at its
finest, I will select promising pieces of anime fanfiction
that have unfortunately ended up in the realm of awfulness.
By providing an astute running commentary within the
fanfiction, I hope to inform readers of how to identify bad fanfics, and even more importantly, how to avoid writing
them. Such a concept may seem to some of you like little
more than an uninspired way for me to publicly display
malicious outbursts of rage to help me deal with my own
inner suffering while garnering attention from strangers
over the internet, but I assure you that I am doing this
strictly for the good of humanity! Why? Because that's just
the kind of selfless guy I am.
If you're interested in learning more about my epic struggle
to save all mankind, then please feel free to take a look
around the site and see what one man is doing to save the
world which he so dearly loves... One bad fanfiction at a
*Note: Features contained within this site are not
guaranteed to be exciting or comical.
News and Updates
April 01, 2013
The economy is changing yet again, folks. Thanks to the Chinese
and Obamanomics obliterating the American job market, young
entrepreneurs looking to achieve fame and fortune here in the
Land of Opportunity no longer have the option of using sensible
investments and their own creativity to gain capital for new
ventures. Instead, our generation has pioneered a smarter way to
pursue the means to make our dreams come true: begging strangers
for free money.
While our senile elders reminisce about the "good old days" when
earning a living meant working hard, the forward-thinking
members of Generation Y have discovered the benefits of the
digital age by using platforms such as Kickstarter and Indiegogo
to score some cash from other forward-thinking members of
Generation Y who are still earning an allowance from their
parents and have no concept of what anything should cost. With
groundbreaking projects like
Tropes vs. Women in Video Games,
BronyCon: The Documentary, and
Pure Pwnage: Teh Movie having
earned their creators hundreds of thousands of dollars in backer
donations, I believe the time is right to capitalize on this new
market and earn the funding needed to keep Project AFTER
At the time of this writing, I've yet to find an online
crowdfunding platform that will host the Project AFTER
fundraising campaign as I originally envisioned it. This,
however, is merely a temporary setback. I'm so confident that
YOUR money will soon be in my pockets, in fact, that I've
decided to unveil my plans for the fundraiser in advance! Read
on to find out what exciting opportunities await your checkbook
in the near future!
Since 2003, Project AFTER has provided entertainment to
audiences around the world completely free of charge. All that
is about to change, however, as we prepare for the launch of our
very first fundraising campaign. This is an exciting opportunity
for YOU, the readers, to become involved in the process of
creating new updates. Those of you who lack the creative
skills necessary to play an active role in content development
are in luck! Absolutely no talent whatsoever is needed to
support your favorite website. All you need to lend a helping
hand is money! Sweet, sweet money.
Just think of your donation as an investment opportunity; by
helping ensure the future growth of PA, you're guaranteed
regular returns in the form of laughter. Did you know that most
financial experts consider donations to websites an essential
part of any properly diversified portfolio? And really, with the
economy the way it is today, what else are you going to invest
in? The stock market? Yeah, that sure worked out swell for Bruce
Wayne. Precious metals? Gold and silver may be hot today, but
the trends of tomorrow could see the market favoring magnesium
and palladium. Investing in digital assets is the only smart
Also t-shirts. Be sure to invest heavily in Project AFTER
t-shirts once we get those rolling out.
If you began to whip out your credit card just now and paused
for a moment, it was likely to ask yourself, "Just how much of
my money should I donate?" A good starting point is 10% of your
total net worth. That's how much God asks for, and we're pretty
sure God is already rich enough as it is.
A small number of you may have instead asked, "Why is this
person suddenly demanding advanced payment for a service that
has traditionally been offered for free?" The answer is far too
complicated to fully explain here, but it basically boils down
to three factors:
1. The recession has resulted in creative innovators being too
afraid to enter the market with new products and inventions due
to the perceived inevitability of losing their investments.
Because the principals of supply and demand present risk,
overly-cautious freelancers have adapted a secondary economic
system based on the concept of supply TO demand, where the
customer base is established prior to production instead of
2. The drastically increased number of people making large
purchases online has created a new market that caters
exclusively to impulse buyers whose spending habits are largely
influenced by social media campaigns and the presence of an
incremental reward system that encourages repeat business before
a product or service has even been delivered.
3. Everybody else is doing it and I want to be cool.
Besides, hosting a crowdfunding campaign is essentially offering
a form of entertainment by itself. It's like a big party where
everyone can get together and join in supporting a common goal
while getting to feel like they're playing an active role in the
creation of something they like! Some people say you can't buy
happiness, but they're wrong.
Our estimates show that developing a new episode of Project
AFTER will cost approximately $150,000. Here's a breakdown of
how all that paper will be spent:
(Click the image for the full resolution.)
$35,000 - Research Materials: In order to write new content for
the site, I have to comb through FanFiction.Net to find crap to
make fun of. That takes time, and time is money.
$20,000 - QA Testing: Quality assurance not only requires an
extremely high level of education, but it is also among the most
demanding and work-intensive jobs on the planet. Unsurprisingly,
professional testers require significant compensation for the
vital skills they bring to the table.
$5,000 - Booze: All the years spent subjecting myself to the
most vile fan creations on the internet have left me in a rather
fragile emotional state that requires... sedation. Since I don't
trust pharmaceutical companies, liquor has proven the best way
to keep the demons quiet. And let me tell you, the good stuff ain't cheap.
$10,000 - Additional Booze: Seriously, I cannot overstate what a
stressful job this is.
$10,000 - 1st Party Certification: I saw this written on one of
our financial reports and didn't bother to ask what it meant.
Your guess is as good as mine.
$25,000 - Gambling Debts: It turns out playing mahjong isn't as
easy as those guys from the Yakuza made it sound. Writing
fanfiction reviews is going to be awfully tough with a couple of
$15,000 - Cody Baier's Artist Fee: To be perfectly frank,
fifteen grand seems a little steep for a single sketch. But hey,
who am I to argue the value of great art!
$30,000 - Rewards: That's right folks, we have to take even more
of your money in order to pay for the incentives we're giving
you in exchange for your money. It's actually kind of funny when you
think about it. Haha!
We sure as shit aren't planning to put the breaks on the gravy
train any time soon. As long as our generous supporters keep the
cash a-flowin', we'll keep the collection plate open! If folks
can find it in their hearts to keep sending money after the
initial goal has been met, we've got even more exciting carrots
to dangle on those sticks:
$375,000: Second New Episode
If we manage to raise $350,000, we'll begin production on a
second brand new fanfiction mockery! It will cost more than the
first one because of inflation, or something.
$500,000: Second New Episode Special Edition
If we manage to raise $500,000, we'll pull out all the stops and
make the second new episode of PA all it can be! I'm talking
spellchecking, a page background, functional HTML code, the
$700,000: Project AFTER Classroom Curriculum
If we manage to raise $700,000, I will create a curriculum with
teaching guides and classroom activities that will aid
instructors in teaching their students about the art and science
of semi-professional fanfiction critiquing. With this five-slide
PowerPoint presentation in hand, educators everywhere will
finally be able to transform this entertainment website into a
source of many tedious homework assignments!
$1,000,000: Project AFTER Trading Card Game
If we manage to raise a cool million, we'll develop a
full-featured TCG based on the world of Project AFTER. Those are
still popular nowadays, right?
$2,500,000: Fundraiser Behind-the-Scenes Documentary
If we manage to raise $2,500,000, we'll film a feature-length
documentary detailing the inspiring journey that led the PA
staff to make this fundraising campaign a reality. I personally
decided I didn't want to do this unless we could land Morgan
Freeman as the narrator, and it turns out that dude does not
come cheap. Who knew getting an old guy to talk over a movie
would be so fucking expensive. Oh well, it isn't my money that's gonna pay his ass!
Naturally, this wouldn't be a proper crowdfunding campaign
without some tangible rewards to help convince you folks to part
ways with all that dough. At this time, we're still ironing out
the details of our reward system and designing contributor tiers
ranging from 'Disgusting, Stingy Miser' for contributions of
less than $100 all the way up to 'Marginally Less Slimy Enemy of
Capitalism' for contributions of $50,000 or more. We'll have a
full catalogue of awesome PA swag ready by the time this
campaign launches, but you can get an early sneak peek at some
of the bitchin' bonuses you'll have to look forward to below:
Write a Front Page News Update - Your chance to write a news
update for this very page! I normally write these myself, but
now you can pay for the privilege of doing my work for me!
Hidden Camera Footage - We'll send you a Blu-ray disc containing
two full hours of HD footage retrieved from a hidden "bathroom
cam" set up in the home of a random PA forum member!
Project AFTER Flamethrower - The kids will love it! Everyone
knows online flame wars are retarded, but real flame wars are
Colored Zodiac Sign Tote Bags - Did you know that you can't
trademark symbols that are in the public domain? Apparently the
guy who makes Homestuck didn't! Hahahaha! Eat a dick, loser!
Skype Chat with Liz Chen - PA forum moderator and professional
voice actress Liz "TigerEyes" Chen will call you on Skype and
yell the N-word for fifteen straight minutes!
Alex Barry Dinner - PA creator and webmaster Alex Barry
will eat dinner at the restaurant of your choice and send you
Project AFTER Gold Membership - Receive an exclusive lifetime
membership to PA Gold! The Gold site is exactly like the free
version with identical content, but you'll get access to a
customizable user profile featuring over 100 unlockable
achievements to show everyone how much you love reading PA!
You'll also be automatically signed up for a weekly e-mail
newsletter that's impossible to unsubscribe from! Wow!
With these and other tantalizing rewards waiting to enrich the
lives of contributors, I know it's inevitable that Project AFTER
will meet its funding goal—and beyond! After all, if goddamned
Furcadia can raise over a
hundred grand, you morons will obviously throw money at anyone
who asks for it.
In closing, thank you in advance for aaaaaall that shiny bank
you people are soon going to dump in my lap. I guarantee it
won't be a decision that you immediately regret probably.
February 14, 2013
Holy shit stealth update sneak attack!! Bet you didn't see this
one coming. Well, before anyone gets their hopes up, let me
first of all make it clear that I'm not ending site's hiatus
just yet. I've found I rather enjoy wallowing in the dregs of
existential despondency, so I think I'll extend this vacation
for a while longer. Consider this update a brief hiatus from the
hiatus—a virtual postcard, if you will, sent home to let
everyone know I'm still alive and enjoying the surprisingly
pleasant weather out here in the wastelands of perpetual
The special occasion that has drawn my attention back to the
internet is, of course, the arrival of Valentine's Day. While
I've never personally been huge into this particular holiday (in
my mind it qualifies as one of the "bullshit holidays" along
with Columbus Day, Earth Day, and Kwanzaa), it does succeed in
generating enough public interest to provide a solid foundation
for a themed update. For instance, it gives me a good excuse to
write at length about how much I hate people's reaction to this
day in My Bloody Annoying Valentine.
That article/rant/whatever you want to call it was first
published on the site a year ago, but I encourage everyone to
give it a second look now that I've gone through and given it
the old George Lucas treatment and changed a bunch of random
things for no good reason. Actually, that's not entirely true;
the original version of that piece was extremely rushed and in
dire need of a rewrite. While the updated version attempts to
make a lot of the same points, I think it reads a bit better and
(hopefully) comes off feeling less preachy and more like
something meant to provide entertainment. It also includes a
handful of images now, so those of you with especially short
attention spans can skip over all the boring words entirely and
just look at the pictures.
Next up is something that hasn't been seen on PA in quite some
time: a new original Guest Special! This one is an oldie (but a
goodie) written by our old pal Dai Ou prior to his mysterious
disappearance back in 2006 when he was shot 47 times in the
chest at point-blank range by bank robbers. Finally freed from
the confines of my backup hard drive to bedazzle a new
generation of readers, Project AFTER is proud to present A Happy
Little Bumblebee's Valentine's
Day Surprise. I know this one has been sitting on the shelf
for a long time, but if you can't figure out why I waited until
today to upload it, then you'd better hurry up and read it
before the nurse comes back and finds out you're no longer
playing that educational Flash game where the duckies teach you
about simple shapes and colors.
That's all I've got prepared for this little love parade, folks.
Before I return to the bliss of complete unproductivity, allow
me to leave you all with some topical words of wisdom: Whether
you're having a totally awesome Valentine's Day or a thoroughly
lousy one, just remember that, either way, nobody else
gives a shit.
January 01, 2013
Happy New Year, everybody. I could think of no better time to
break the lingering silence on the site's front page than on the
day when we celebrate the end of the worst year ever. Or maybe
you disagree—-maybe 2012 was a pretty good year for you and now
you're looking forward to another twelve months of prosperous
and exciting new ventures to explore. If so, then feel free to go fuck
yourself. Everyone has accepted that 2012 was the most miserable
year in the annals of recorded history, and just because you
somehow managed to luck out and keep your head buried in the
sand during the last
365 366 days of soul-crushing drudgery
without suffocating doesn't mean anyone is obligated to pay you
or your dumb opinions any mind.
I actually wasn't planning on waiting until the new year to make
an update. Then again, not many of the plans I've made lately
have worked out. Truth be told, I was banking pretty hard on
that 12/21/12 apocalypse negating any further need for me to do
anything with the site. But, like so very many things I was
looking forward to last year, that didn't end up panning out.
Thanks for nothing yet again, Mayans. So anyway, here we
are. It was a rough ride, but those of us who made it through
the economic collapse and the wars and the terrorist attacks and
the televised Justin Bieber concerts and the shootings and the various
personal troubles can stand together and look ahead to the dawn
of a new year with fresh hope that things won't suck quite so
hard this time around. I know it's just another Tuesday with no
special properties of renewal, of course, and believing anything
else is falling prey to idiotic superstition. I don't care. My
survival during the past several months has required a daily
ritual of sitting in a dark room and reassuring myself over and
over again that 2013 will be better as if I were reciting a religious
mantra—I need this idiotic superstition to avoid having a
Believe it or not, I don't mean to bitch. I guess I'm just
trying to paint a picture of why PA hasn't seen a lot of
activity recently. Without delving into the gritty details
nobody really wants to know about, my situation hasn't evoked
the kind of mood that makes it easy to write jokes. My health
hasn't exactly been fantastic, either. I'm sure I could dredge
up more excuses, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I've confessed
my sin of letting the dust pile up around here for whatever
collection of reasons, so nobody can fault me for refusing to
accept the blame (although, to be fair, I think the fucking
Mayans owe someone an apology here).
As for the future... Well, it's much too early to say whether or
not this year will actually be any more tolerable than the last
one. Regardless, I have no intention of abandoning PA. I am
going to be taking a short break from working on the site,
though, because I think I've earned it. Not to say that I
consider this a responsibility from which I need to earn time
off, just that... Huh. What the hell DO I mean by that?
Let's back up a little bit. Whether or not they admit it, the
greatest fear of every creative individual is losing their
audience. The overpaid Hollywood superstar and the
poverty-stricken street performer are more or less in the same
boat there, as are all the lonely, unimportant boys and girls
putting their every thought and feeling and opinion up for
public display on the internet. The fear of being ignored is
especially real for those of us working for free, since our
motivation is far more personal and desperate than the pursuit
of a paycheck—we're basically starving parasites that require a
host to survive. The only difference is, instead of precious
bodily fluids, we feed off of attention and recognition (you can
decide for yourself which is ultimately more disgusting). As sad
and pathetic as it may be, I don't want to lose my audience.
My past attempts at bargaining with readers to keep providing
the site with traffic during a hiatus have historically netted
surprisingly good results. I can't say I'm at all proud of that,
but I am grateful. As I wrote about in the site's ninth
anniversary update, 2012 was a year in which Project AFTER owed
its sustained existence to the dedication of contributors and
fans more so than anything I accomplished by myself. I'd like to
start making up for that in the near future, but first I need a
rest. I'm tired in every conceivable way a person can be tired.
This is the kind of fatigue where one either throws in the towel
or resorts to illegal stimulants to stay productive in exchange
for shaving years off of one's lifespan. Tempting as the latter
option sounds, I figure I'm already headed for an early enough
grave as it is.
So, no, I suppose I haven't "earned" a break from the site since
it's absurd to think I'd need to earn the ability to cease any
activity which I'm neither financially nor morally obligated to
continue. What I would like to think I've earned is the right to
humbly request that those of you who've enjoyed any aspect of
the site up to this point continue to keep the URL in your
favorites menu while I step outside for a smoke. Maybe check
back once in a while to see if anything new has gone up, since I
promise it will eventually. Just not right now... Not before
I've had a chance to lean back and breathe a heavy sigh of
relief as I pretend that having a new calendar on the wall means
anything else in the world has changed.
November 11, 2012
Those of you living in the United States don't need me to tell
you that the past week has been an eventful one. I'm going to
tell you anyway, though, since it fills space and creates the
illusion that I put some thought into these updates.
Another Election Day descended upon the populace like a plague
of locusts last Tuesday, leaving in its wake another gaping
divide between our nation's two major political parties:
hillbillies and lesbians. Votes were counted, numbers were
disputed, unhelpfully obvious statements were dispensed, and
important decisions were made. Among the most significant
choices facing voters was whether our government should once
again raise taxes or simply leave things the way they are before
bursting into hysterical laughter and exclaiming, "Psyche! We're
totally raising taxes! You should have seen the looks on
your faces, boy oh boy." Washington proved it was the most
progressive state in the union when its residents voted to
legalize recreational marijuana and same-sex marriage:
two historic events that succeeded in briefly reminding the rest
of America that oh yeah, Washington is a state too, isn't it.
Didn't Frasier live there? Then of course there was the bid for
the presidency, which saw another close race (depending on who
you ask) between two men who proved they have that rare talent
to stand up and make roughly half of an entire country
vehemently despise the air they breathe.
All of that excitement and drama is now behind us, though.
Whether or not you're satisfied with the results of this latest
proud moment in democracy doesn't matter anymore, because no one
can change the past. More importantly, regardless of whatever
momentary illusion of power you might have enjoyed while filling
in those little boxes on that slip of paper, the truth remains
that no one can change the future, either. So let us put all the
partisan bickering behind us and turn our attention to something
that actually matters: making fun of nerds who care way, way too
much about anime.
Project AFTER has some of the best fans of any mildly popular
humor site on the internet. If you have the effrontery to doubt
that statement, I need only refer you to
the latest collection of results for the Cosplay Caption Contest.
To be able to face such mind-breaking terror week after week and
somehow find the resolve to laugh at visions of humanity at its
most depraved and pathetic is a feat few communities could
handle, and it fills me with pride to stand alongside such
relentlessly cynical men and women.
The CCC celebrated five years of activity just yesterday with
the opening of contest #129, and the captions still keep on
coming. If you'd like to get in on the fun and pursue this
golden opportunity to score some easy e-fame, then sign up on
the PA Forums
and find out if you have what it takes to build yourself up by
tearing down some poorly-dressed geeks.