Legal Information

 

Some people reading this website may be inclined to point out the unconventionality of how we (and by "we" I mean myself and the voice inside my head that tells me to commit unspeakable acts of violence) handle legal matters here at the Official Project AFTER Homepage. True, when it comes to the content that we use to mock in many of the features, there are traditionally certain rules or at least informal codes of conduct that are followed in order to avoid any infringement of other people's rights. I'm a busy man, though, and I don't have time to go running around taking care of menial tasks like "asking permission" or "observing copyright laws." To compensate for this and protect my beloved site from any meanie who would dare press legal charges against it, I have devised what I consider to be the ultimate disclaimer! So before you go contacting your high and mighty lawyer and leave threatening messages on my answering machine, let me save us both the trouble by providing the aforementioned disclaimer which protects me from any and all forms of legal persecution:

 

 

This website, Project A.F.T.E.R.™ (hereafter referred to as "PA"), and all content within this website is the sole property of Alexander Barry and any subsequent stockholders able to bare claim to being in lawful possession of such stock. Stockholders are limited in their ability regarding financial issues to what each party's individual stock certificate states and these rights may become null and void at any time at the instruction of Mr. Alexander Barry with no restrictions on times of warning or length of consequential restrictions. All fanfiction appearing on PA has been used without the permission of its original author(s) and no profit has been made from its redistribution. All names, locations, and characters belonging to an existing series trademarked by its owner(s) or subsidiaries are the property of the series' creator and trademark holder(s). PA and its certified affiliates take no responsibility for the misuse of these names, locations or characters in any or all fanfictions appearing on this site. This website may be linked to other sites which are not owned or maintained by PA or any affiliated parties, and PA is not responsible for the content appearing on those sites or sites which are linked to by linked sites not owned by or affiliated with PA. Content appearing on any public message boards owned by PA are not the responsibility of the owners of PA or any registered domain name baring the PA title and/or trademarks, and content submitted by persons baring no legal affiliation with PA are solely responsible for any content they submit; PA takes no responsibility for the actions of these individuals or claims made by them or any persons not directly affiliated with the site on which their claims appear. PA is not responsible for injuries occurring as a result of the content which appears on this website. Furthermore, PA is not responsible for crimes or illegal activities resulting from any content appearing on this website, even that which may be deemed suggestive to such activities. Alexander Barry is awesome, and could totally kick your ass if he wanted to. PA owns the rights to any and all content appearing anywhere on the site unless otherwise noted (including the names, birth dates, and any other personal information voluntarily submitted by parties not affiliated with PA). Neither title nor intellectual property rights are transferred to you by access to this site, but remain with PA and its affiliates and stockholders, who own full and complete title to all material on this site. PA is an equal opportunity institution and operates in accordance with U.S. EHOC (Equal Humiliation Opportunity Commission) guidelines. According to official company policy, no party or parties will be denied the right to be publicly mocked and/or ridiculed by a PA employee or affiliate based on race, gender, age, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, political affiliation, or disability if other qualifications are met. No purchase is necessary to be bound by any and all legal disclaimers appearing on this site. Do not block fire exits in case of a fire or other emergency. PA contains Sodium Benzoate, Maltodextrin, Disodium Phosphate, Lecithin, artificial Annatto Extract coloring, Sodium Caseinate, Riboflavin, Xanthan Gum, chemical Tartrazine, M.S.G. (Monosodium Glutamate), as well as several other unidentified chemicals not approved by the FDA for human consumption. Taking more than your doctor's recommended dosage of PA may result in side effects including but not limited to: heartburn, cramps, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, swelling, dry mouth, fatigue, unpredictable mood swings, loss of sexual desire in men and women, temporary or extended loss of sight, unnatural hair growth on legs and arms, fever, severe headache, chest pains, and death. If these problems persist, consult your doctor or other authorized medical physician. You should not read PA if you are pregnant or nursing. In case of accidental overdose, get medical help or contact a Poison Control Center immediately. The fanfictions contained within PA have been neither written nor edited by Mr. Alexander Barry, and may contain descriptions of violence, glorification of illegal activities, use of illegal drugs or alcohol, adult language, varying degrees of suggestive dialogue, and vivid descriptions of sexual situations including bondage, homosexuality, rape, bestiality, or the inclusion of a minor in a sexual situation. Aside from the possibility of a self-granted rating by each story's author(s), these stories are not rated and viewer discretion is strongly advised. Any complaints regarding the content of any fanfiction displayed on or linked to by PA or its affiliates are not the responsibility of Mr. Alexander Barry or subsequent PA stockholders, and should be forwarded to the appropriate party. No reproduction of PA will be accepted. Canadian residents wishing to read PA must include an additional $20.00 shipping/handling charge with initial orders. All federal, state, and local taxes shall be the sole responsibility of the person or persons reading PA. Sorry, no COD's. In the event that the offer is sold out, all orders received after the sell-out will be returned to the sender's address (shipping fees still apply). PA is not responsible for: (a) late, lost, illegal, or misdirected mail; (b) disruptions or damages due to events or circumstances beyond PA's control; (c) printing or typographical errors; or (d) mail confiscated due to supposed traces of anthrax. Persons ordering PA consent to being placed on multiple e-mailing lists for promotional materials from sites not affiliated with PA. Any personal information submitted to PA will be sold to unconfirmed sources for financial gain on the part of Mr. Alexander Barry. Any quotes appearing on PA may be entirely fictional and are in no way guaranteed to be actual quotes from real people. Any such quotes that are real are not required to be presented in a fashion that designates them different from fabricated quotes or sources. All celebrity voices are impersonated. No celebrity has endorsed any aspect of this website for any purpose. The characters appearing in PA are fictional, and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and unintentional. Any person or persons viewing this disclaimer are obligated to pay a one-time Reader's Fee of twenty (20) U.S. dollars. All major credit cards are acceptable, excluding Visa®, MasterCard®, Discover® Card, and American Express®. The material within this site may include technical inaccuracies or typographical errors, and PA (including its agents, officers, directors, and employees) may make changes or improvements at any time. Information appearing on this website is subject to change without notice. If you are the owner or operator of a domain name that may be considered confusingly similar to ProjectAFTER.com, be advised that your domain name may be confusingly similar with trademarks owned by Alexander Barry and subsequent stockholders, and you may be infringing upon the aforementioned trademarks. Therefore, you are requested to cease and desist from your infringing activities. Fail to comply with this request within a period of 48 hours will lead to legal action being taken against the owners or operators of such domain names by the owners of PA, and it may be require that you terminate the domain name, provide financial compensation equal to the cost of the trials and procedures made by the trademark holders of PA, and pay a fee of up to $25,000.00 US money, or $60,000.00 of your filthy, filthy Canadian money. Fail to comply to any summons sent out regarding the above legal procedures will be dealt with according to standard legal penalties. Usage of this website is subject to acceptance of the License User Agreement provided by PA's copyright holders. PA does not practice or support animal testing, and no animals were harmed in the making of this website. PA is void were prohibited by law.

 

 

Well, I think that covers all the bases... If you can think of anything I left out, please feel free to drop me an e-mail with your suggestion on how to close up any legal loopholes. I can't promise I won't try to sue you for some reason, but that's a risk you'll just have to take. Oh, and by the way, you owe me $20 for reading this page.