Welcome to the official Project AFTER homepage! If this is your first time visiting, then please come in and enjoy the site's many exciting and comical features* that exist solely for your entertainment. Also, feel free to bookmark the site in case you want to come back and view it again at a later time. Return visitors are almost unheard of around here, but hey, maybe you'll have unusually low standards or something. "But hold on a minute. What is this 'Project AFTER' phenomenon you speak of, anyway?" If that's what you were thinking just now, then congratulate yourself for pondering a damn good question! First, let's start with the meaning behind this cryptic title. Project A.F.T.E.R. is actually an acronym for:

Project Anime Fanfiction: Twisted Entertainment Review

News and Updates

December 21, 2008

Oh wow, it's a special holiday bonus update! I haven't changed my plans to hold off on adding any significant amount of new content until after the site's reboot next year, but I thought I'd throw in one last update for '08 for the sake of (hopefully) keeping people interested in this car wreck of a site for a little while longer.

Since I know how much fans of this site have come to love recycled filler material written by other people, I'm very excited to unveil the 2nd collection of entries in the Cosplay Caption Contest! If you thought the anime geeks in the first session were fat and ugly, then holy fucking shit boys and girls, prepare to learn just how little you actually knew about fat and ugly. In addition to being easy to put together, I also uploaded this feature as a way to cleverly advertise the fact that the Cosplay Caption Contest is now running on the forums again. If you missed it before and have been aching to write some funny captions for sad people in even sadder outfits, then here's your chance to get in on the fun!

Also, there's a special bit of news specifically for any experienced web designers and/or graphic artists reading... If you think you've got the skills to assist me in designing a bigger and better Project AFTER, then read through this topic on the forums and find out how you can help make internet history while making some cold hard cash in the process.

That should just about cover it, I think. Thanks for reading guys, and have a Merry Christmas. 'Till 2009, I'm out.

October 26, 2008

I don't know if anybody is going to get the above reference, but it's basically my way of saying I can empathize with the frustration and despair felt by anyone who's wasted all those lonely nights checking this site for updates, only to find the same page staring back at them time and again.

Speaking of which, I imagine some of you are probably wondering what the hell has been going on for the past four months. Wellsir, allow me to explain! Back in June, my old hard drive decided it was tired of functioning properly and suddenly died on me for some reason which remains one of history's greatest unsolved mysteries to this day. After that, I spent the better part of two months trying to recover the data I'd lost using every conceivable method known to man, all of which ended in what became an increasingly dazzling series of failures. I don't know if anybody will have any interest in reading the entire story now that I've gone and spoiled the ending, but if you're curious about the details regarding how the whole thing went down, you can read through these topics on the forums where I explained exactly how things went wrong as they were in the process of going wrong. Read away and laugh at my pain.

Fast forward to the present, where I've got a brand new—and vastly superior—computer, and have just recently overcome the problems with my server's FTP settings that were preventing me from updating the site. The great comedic tragedy has come to end, and now I'm left more or less where I was back in June. The only difference is, of course, that I lost everything related to the site in terms of unpublished content. So I'm afraid I won't be updating the site with anything new right away, because I don't have anything new to put up.

I'm sure my contributors will be quick to point out that they have, in fact, submitted articles that I haven't uploaded onto the site yet. That's because they're BASTARD LIARS! Actually, the reason I'm not publishing anything just yet is because I've decided that this little hiatus the site has been on is going to continue for awhile longer. This news is probably going piss off a few people , but just hear me out before you go firing off those angry e-mails and/or telling me what an asshole I am on the forums...

While it's true I still have access to everything on the site that was already online, losing the contents of my hard drive completely killed my backlog of half-finished articles and new features. Without overselling it, I easily lost well over a hundred man-hours of work. In a lot of ways, it feels like I'm being forced to start over from scratch. The way I see it, as long as I'm starting from square one anyway, I may as well go ahead and treat this like a genuine re-launch of the site and rebuild Project AFTER the way I had originally intended to build it. Believe it or not, my lack of skill as a writer and a web designer have resulted in me making a hell of a lot of compromises to the site over the past five years. I think I'm finally at a point where I have the ability to redo a lot of things for the better and correct past mistakes, though. As a matter of fact... Oh, dare I dream it...! Yes, yes I think my vision of making Project AFTER into the internet's most popular 21 Jump Street fansite may finally become a reality!

Concerning a timeline for this re-launch, I'm afraid I have to stay pretty vague in that department. I don't even have everything worked out in my head yet, and the actual physical work for this project is currently at 0% completion. I'll be sure to make more news posts as this grand plan of mine gets underway and keep everyone updated on what's happening behind the scenes, but for now, all I can really say for sure is that it's going to be awhile. I know at least a handful of folks would rather I just stick to writing new content for the existing site to keep things on a more consistent schedule, but please understand that I'm not planning this re-launch as a way to stall for more time or anything. I've put five years of work into this site, and nobody wants to see it succeed more than me. A reworking of the site is something that will need to happen eventually in order for me to continue to have any interest in it, and I think now is a good time to initiate such a large-scale plan for a variety of reasons. It might take some time, but I have to ask that those of you who are loyal to the site show me that same patience and understanding that have been demonstrated on so many past occas—Actually, never mind. I'll just set aside some cash and bombard every single site on Project Wonderful with ads to attract new readers who are unaware of my long history of procrastination and broken promises. Hmm, I'll have to remember to delete this part of the update before then...

In the meantime, to prove I haven't just been aimlessly screwing around for the past several months, I'll share a couple of links to some pieces of guest content I had the pleasure of writing for Dear Jimmy and Socks Make People Sexy. Feel free to have a look for yourself, provided you're not already exhausted from reading this seemingly never-ending update.

On that note, I suppose I've rambled enough for this evening. I'm just going to assume I've covered everything since I'm too lazy to go back and look over what I wrote. As long as I got the message across that Project AFTER isn't dead, it's all good. If anything, I'd say the site is in a coma right now, and even though I can't say when it'll come of out it, the site will be back sooner or later. Not only that, but it should come back roughly fifty times as awesome as before.

Until next time folks, stay golden.

June 14, 2008

Alright, let's do this! I've been meaning to sit down and get this update finished for about a week now, but something always came up. A friend of mine came into town unexpectedly, then I had to drive into the city on two separate days to run errands, then I had to help my folks with a major remodeling project (HGTV is the worst thing to ever happen to my family), then I got sick, then I had to take time and write up this list of excuses... It's just been crazy.

Enough about all that, though. Getting down to business, I'm pleased to announce the grand opening of a new section of the site: I give you the Cosplay Caption Contest! Some of you may remember when I announced this previously forum-exclusive feature last November, with the promise that it might make it onto the website provided it was successful enough. Well, thankfully, the concept was adopted by forum-goers faster than a pitch for a new reality show to the FOX network, and people were unknowingly providing me with free content almost immediately. The feature has been divided up into "sessions" of eight weeks worth of contest results each, and I'll add new sessions periodically as time goes by and more photos of anime nerds dressed like idiots are given hilarious descriptions by the loveable crew of wiseasses on the forums.

Speaking of whiiiiiiiiiich...! It's been a couple months since I last made a plug for the PA Forums here on the main page, so I guess I'm about due. Hmm, let's see here... The Project AFTER Forums. They're forums... that... you can talk about things on. Join them. There is a high probability that you will not immediately regret your decision if you do.

May 30, 2008

You folks at home had better prepare yourselves, because I'm about to take you on the emotional rollercoaster ride of your lives! This update contains a very volatile mixture good news and bad news that will lift your spirits up to the absolute highest peaks of ecstasy, only to immediately crush them down into the depths of the cold, unforgiving earth. Those of you with weak hearts may want to exit this site now... Everyone else, hold on tight and try not to black out.

FIRST NEWS ITEM:

The Exciting News Break: After yet another lengthy hiatus, Evangelion: Rehashed receives another new installment with a recap for Episode 6: Part II!
The Horrifying Surprise Twist: Heihachi Mishima SSJ Heero... is dead.
The Somber Explanation: The new episode recap should provide you with the answers you seek, but the short version is that, like so many other brilliant minds before him, SSJ Heero's own genius eventually led to his destruction. He was a good friend, and shall be missed dearly... Unfortunately, as his life has come to an end, so has his career as the writer for EVA: Rehashed.
The Silver Lining: In memory of SSJ Heero's dream that no episode of Evangelion would ever go un-recapped, I will continue his life's work and see to it that EVA: Rehashed continues! I've already made arrangements with a new writer to pick up where Heero left off in the series, so you guys can still look forward to more sardonic articles chronicling the continuing adventures of Shinji n' pals. More details as well as the identity of the new writer will be revealed in a future update.

SECOND NEWS ITEM:

The Exciting News Break: The Fanhunt site has finally been updated again with a new page and new piece of artwork in the gallery section!
The Horrifying Surprise Twist: Fanhunt is ending forever! Oh GOD! (Alright, so maybe some of you saw this one coming...)
The Somber Explanation: Cody "Shmeckie" Baier and I have mutually decided to cut the comic's run short. As much fun as Fanhunt was for us to work on, we both have other projects that require our focus at the present. Cody is currently pursuing a career as a professional comic artist, while I have the decidedly less-interesting excuse of college and this website keeping me busy. Simply put, the timing for Fanhunt's release was off, and it debuted too late for either of us to be able to give the project the time or energy it required to progress.
The Silver Lining: The fate of Fanhunt has been up in the air for several months now, so it should at least be a relief for fans to get some closure on the issue. In addition, while Cody will no longer be making the comic, he has assured me that he plans to continue contributing other forms of content to PA. That means that Comic Release will continue, plus there's a good chance we'll see some new guest content from him in the future.

FINAL NEWS ITEM:

The Exciting News Break: Dunkin' Donuts has recently expanded its selection of delicious iced coffee drinks just in time for summer!
The Horrifying Surprise Twist: Holy shit Rachael Ray is a terrorist!!!
The Somber Explanation: It seems that professional chef and Food Network star Rachael Ray appeared in online advertisements for Dunkin' Donuts wearing a scarf that happens to be a popular fashion accessory among suicide bombers and enemies of America, obviously broadcasting the message that donuts and coffee are the perfect treat to enjoy while we praise Allah by cleansing the world of infidels.
The Silver Lining: While this story is absurd to the point where it rides that fine line between hilarious and disturbing, the part about Rachael Ray being a terrorist is something I completely agree with. I mean, think about it. The woman has appeared on television and in magazines, she has her own website, she's written several books, she's endorsed more products than most professional athletes... And on top of all that, she's always smiling and perky. That bitch is way too successful and too happy for her to not be hiding some sort of terrible secret, and it may as well be terrorism. It's about damn time somebody called her on it. You had this coming, Rachael Ray!

I hope you folks aren't too emotionally drained after reading all that. I know there were quite a few shocking twists and turns to endure, any one of which could have thrown you off balance and into a spiraling nosedive toward unending despair. However, if anything, I hope that today's update will instill my readers with a sense of optimism, and hope for the future. While it's true that a few doors have closed, I believe that others have opened, and I think that tomorrow is looking brighter than ever! Unless you're Rachael Ray, in which case, know this you cheerful whore: Now that the media has given me an excuse to openly oppose your tyrannical grip on this society, you will come to know my wrath. Oh yes, Rachael Ray, I am coming... Wherever you are, whatever you do, always remember... I am coming.