
Welcome to the official Project AFTER homepage! If this is
your first time visiting, then please come in and enjoy the
site's many exciting and comical features* that exist solely
for your entertainment. Also, feel free to bookmark the site
in case you want to come back and view it again at a later
time. Return visitors are almost unheard of around here, but
hey, maybe you'll have unusually low standards or something.
"But hold on a minute. What is this 'Project AFTER'
phenomenon you speak of, anyway?" If that's what you were
thinking just now, then congratulate yourself for pondering
a damn good question! First, let's start with the meaning
behind this cryptic title. Project A.F.T.E.R. is actually an
acronym for:
Project Anime Fanfiction:
Twisted Entertainment Review
This previously top-secret operation is the result of many
years of costly and tiresome research to discover what
exactly is causing modern society to plunge into its current
downward spiral toward oblivion. Astonishingly, all test
results have thus far pointed to one horrifying conclusion.
War, pollution, disease, world hunger, natural disasters,
cosplayers... They all stem from the same vile source: bad
anime fanfiction.
Admittedly, it may seem harmless enough at first glance, but
in reality it is a potent, all-consuming evil that has
silently corrupted humanity since the dawn of time (and, by
"the dawn of time", I mean the mid 1980's). Today, bad anime
fanfiction is content to waste your precious online
web-surfing time with its seemingly never-ending tedium and
idiocy that has infected hundreds upon hundreds of
unsuspecting websites. Tomorrow, however, it may very well
be out murdering your children and setting fire to your
homes.
While the future may seem ridden with pain and despair, all
is not lost! Through Project AFTER, a creation that can only
be descried as a demonstration of human ingenuity at its
finest, I will select promising pieces of anime fanfiction
that have unfortunately ended up in the realm of awfulness.
By providing an astute running commentary within the
fanfiction, I hope to inform readers of how to identify bad
fanfics, and even more importantly, how to avoid writing
them. Such a concept may seem to some of you like little
more than an uninspired way for me to publicly display
malicious outbursts of rage to help me deal with my own
inner suffering while garnering attention from strangers
over the internet, but I assure you that I am doing this
strictly for the good of humanity! Why? Because that's just
the kind of selfless guy I am.
If you're interested in learning more about my epic struggle
to save all mankind, then please feel free to take a look
around the site and see what one man is doing to save the
world which he so dearly loves... One bad fanfiction at a
time.
*Note: Features contained within this site are not
guaranteed to be exciting or comical.

News and Updates
December 21, 2008
Oh wow, it's a special holiday bonus update! I haven't changed
my plans to hold off on adding any significant amount of new
content until after the site's reboot next year, but I thought
I'd throw in one last update for '08 for the sake of (hopefully)
keeping people interested in this car wreck of a site for a
little while longer.
Since I know how much fans of this site have come to love
recycled filler material written by other people, I'm very
excited to unveil the 2nd collection of entries in the
Cosplay
Caption Contest! If you thought the anime geeks in the first
session were fat and ugly, then holy fucking shit boys and
girls, prepare to learn just how little you actually knew about
fat and ugly. In addition to being easy to put together, I also
uploaded this feature as a way to cleverly advertise the fact
that the Cosplay Caption Contest is now running on the forums
again. If you missed it before and have been aching to write
some funny captions for sad people in even sadder outfits, then
here's your chance to get in on the fun!
Also, there's a special bit of news specifically for any
experienced web designers and/or graphic artists reading... If
you think you've got the skills to assist me in designing a
bigger and better Project AFTER, then read through this topic on
the forums and find out how you can help make internet
history while making some cold hard cash in the process.
That should just about cover it, I think. Thanks for reading
guys, and have a Merry Christmas. 'Till 2009, I'm out.

October 26, 2008


I don't know if anybody is going to get the above reference, but
it's basically my way of saying I can empathize with the frustration and
despair felt by anyone who's wasted all those lonely nights
checking this site for updates, only to find the same
page staring back at them time and again.
Speaking of which, I imagine some of you are probably wondering
what the hell has been going on for the past four months.
Wellsir, allow me to explain! Back in June, my old hard drive
decided it was tired of functioning properly and suddenly died
on me for some reason which remains one of history's greatest
unsolved mysteries to this day. After that, I spent the better
part of two months trying to recover the data I'd lost using
every conceivable method known to man, all of which ended in
what became an increasingly dazzling series of failures. I don't
know if anybody will have any interest in reading the entire
story now that I've gone and spoiled the ending, but if you're
curious about the details regarding how the whole thing went
down, you can read through these
topics on the forums where I
explained exactly how things went wrong as they were in the
process of going wrong. Read away and laugh at my pain.
Fast forward to the present, where I've got a brand new—and
vastly superior—computer, and have just recently overcome the
problems with my server's FTP settings that were preventing me
from updating the site. The great comedic tragedy has come to
end, and now I'm left more or less where I was back in June. The
only difference is, of course, that I lost everything related to
the site in terms of unpublished content. So I'm afraid I won't
be updating the site with anything new right away, because I
don't have anything new to put up.
I'm sure my contributors will be quick to point out that they
have, in fact, submitted articles that I haven't uploaded onto
the site yet. That's because they're BASTARD LIARS! Actually, the reason I'm not
publishing anything just yet is because I've decided that this
little hiatus the site has been on is going to continue for
awhile longer. This news is probably going piss off a few people ,
but just hear me out before you go firing off those angry
e-mails and/or telling me what an asshole I am on the forums...
While it's true I still have access to everything on the site
that was already online, losing the contents of my hard drive
completely killed my backlog of half-finished articles and new
features. Without overselling it, I easily lost well over a
hundred man-hours of work. In a lot of ways, it feels like I'm
being forced to start over from scratch. The way I see it, as
long as I'm starting from square one anyway, I may as well go
ahead and treat this like a genuine re-launch of the site and
rebuild Project AFTER the way I had originally intended to build
it. Believe it or not, my lack of skill as a writer and a web
designer have resulted in me making a hell of a lot of
compromises to the site over the past five years. I think I'm
finally at a point where I have the ability to redo a lot of
things for the better and correct past mistakes, though. As a
matter of fact... Oh, dare I dream it...! Yes, yes I think my
vision of making Project AFTER into the internet's most popular
21 Jump Street fansite may finally become a reality!
Concerning a timeline for this re-launch, I'm afraid I have to
stay pretty vague in that department. I don't even have
everything worked out in my head yet, and the actual physical
work for this project is currently at 0% completion. I'll be
sure to make more news posts as this grand plan of mine gets
underway and keep everyone updated on what's happening behind
the scenes, but for now, all I can really say for sure is that
it's going to be awhile. I know at least a handful of folks
would rather I just stick to writing new content for the
existing site to keep things on a more consistent schedule, but
please understand that I'm not planning this re-launch as a way
to stall for more time or anything. I've put five years of work
into this site, and nobody wants to see it succeed more than me.
A reworking of the site is something that will need to happen
eventually in order for me to continue to have any interest in
it, and I think now is a good time to initiate such a
large-scale plan for a variety of reasons. It might take some
time, but I have to ask that those of you who are loyal to the
site show me that same patience and understanding that have been
demonstrated on so many past occas—Actually, never mind. I'll
just set aside some cash and bombard every single site on
Project Wonderful with ads to attract new readers who are
unaware of my long history of procrastination and broken
promises. Hmm, I'll have to remember to delete this part of the
update before then...
In the meantime, to prove I haven't just been aimlessly screwing around
for the past several months, I'll share a couple of links to
some pieces of guest
content I had the pleasure of writing for
Dear
Jimmy and Socks Make People Sexy. Feel free to have a look for
yourself, provided you're not already exhausted from reading
this seemingly never-ending update.
On that note, I suppose I've rambled enough for this evening.
I'm just going to assume I've covered everything since I'm too
lazy to go back and look over what I wrote. As long as I got the
message across that Project AFTER isn't dead, it's all good. If
anything, I'd say the site is in a coma right now, and even
though I can't say when it'll come of out it, the site will be
back sooner or later. Not only that, but it should come back
roughly fifty times as awesome as before.
Until next time folks, stay golden.

June
14, 2008
Alright, let's do this! I've been meaning to sit down and get
this update finished for about a week now, but something always
came up. A friend of mine came into town unexpectedly, then I
had to drive into the city on two separate days to run errands,
then I had to help my folks with a major remodeling project (HGTV
is the worst thing to ever happen to my family), then I got
sick, then I had to take time and write up this list of
excuses... It's just been crazy.
Enough about all that, though. Getting down to business, I'm
pleased to announce the grand opening of a new section of the
site: I give you the Cosplay Caption
Contest! Some of you may remember when I announced this
previously forum-exclusive feature last November, with the
promise that it might
make it onto the website provided it was successful enough.
Well, thankfully, the concept was adopted by forum-goers faster
than a pitch for a new reality show to the FOX network, and
people were unknowingly providing me with free content almost
immediately. The feature has been divided up into "sessions" of
eight weeks worth of contest results each, and I'll add new
sessions periodically as time goes by and more photos of anime
nerds dressed like idiots are given hilarious descriptions by
the loveable crew of wiseasses on the forums.
Speaking of whiiiiiiiiiich...! It's been a couple months since
I last made a plug for the PA Forums here on
the main page, so I guess I'm about due. Hmm, let's see here...
The Project AFTER Forums. They're forums... that... you can talk
about things on. Join them. There is a high probability that you
will not immediately regret your decision if you do.

May 30, 2008
You folks at home had better prepare yourselves, because I'm
about to take you on the emotional rollercoaster ride of your
lives! This update contains a very volatile mixture good news
and bad news that will lift your spirits up to the absolute
highest peaks of ecstasy, only to immediately crush them down
into the depths of the cold, unforgiving earth. Those of you
with weak hearts may want to exit this site now... Everyone
else, hold on tight and try not to black out.
FIRST NEWS ITEM:
The Exciting News Break: After yet another lengthy
hiatus, Evangelion: Rehashed receives another new installment
with a recap for Episode 6: Part II!
The Horrifying Surprise Twist: Heihachi Mishima SSJ Heero...
is dead.
The Somber Explanation: The new episode recap should
provide you with the answers you seek, but the short version is
that, like so many other brilliant minds before him, SSJ Heero's
own genius eventually led to his destruction. He was a good
friend, and shall be missed dearly... Unfortunately, as his life has
come to an end, so has his career as the writer for EVA:
Rehashed.
The Silver Lining: In memory of SSJ Heero's dream that no
episode of Evangelion would ever go un-recapped, I will continue
his life's work and see to it that EVA: Rehashed continues! I've
already made arrangements with a new writer to pick up where Heero left off in the series, so you guys can still look forward
to more sardonic articles chronicling the continuing adventures
of Shinji n' pals. More details as well as the identity of the
new writer will be revealed in a future update.
SECOND NEWS ITEM:
The Exciting News Break: The Fanhunt site has finally been
updated again with a new page and new piece of artwork in the
gallery section!
The Horrifying Surprise Twist: Fanhunt is ending forever! Oh
GOD! (Alright, so maybe some of you saw this one coming...)
The Somber Explanation: Cody "Shmeckie" Baier and I have
mutually decided to cut the comic's run short. As much fun as
Fanhunt was for us to work on, we both have other projects that
require our focus at the present. Cody is currently pursuing a
career as a professional comic artist, while I have the
decidedly less-interesting excuse of college and this website
keeping me busy. Simply put, the timing for Fanhunt's release
was off, and it debuted too late for either of us to be able to
give the project the time or energy it required to progress.
The Silver Lining: The fate of Fanhunt has been up in the air
for several months now, so it should at least be a relief for
fans to get some closure on the issue. In addition, while Cody
will no longer be making the comic, he has assured me that he
plans to continue contributing other forms of content to PA.
That means that Comic Release will continue, plus there's a good
chance we'll see some new guest content from him in the future.
FINAL NEWS ITEM:
The Exciting News Break: Dunkin' Donuts has recently expanded
its selection of delicious iced coffee drinks just in time for
summer!
The Horrifying Surprise Twist:
Holy shit Rachael Ray is a
terrorist!!!
The Somber Explanation: It seems that professional chef and Food
Network star Rachael Ray appeared in online advertisements for
Dunkin' Donuts wearing a scarf that happens to be a popular
fashion accessory among suicide bombers and enemies of America,
obviously broadcasting the message that donuts and coffee are
the perfect treat to enjoy while we praise Allah by cleansing
the world of infidels.
The Silver Lining: While this story is absurd to the point where
it rides that fine line between hilarious and disturbing, the
part about Rachael Ray being a terrorist is something I
completely agree with. I mean, think about
it. The woman has appeared on television and in magazines, she
has her own website, she's written several books, she's endorsed
more products than most professional athletes... And on top of
all that, she's always smiling and perky. That bitch is way too
successful and too happy for her to not be hiding some sort of
terrible secret, and it may as well be terrorism. It's about
damn time somebody called her on it. You had this coming,
Rachael Ray!
I hope you folks aren't too emotionally drained after reading
all that. I know there were quite a few shocking twists and
turns to endure, any one of which could have thrown you off
balance and into a spiraling nosedive toward unending despair.
However, if anything, I hope that today's update will instill my
readers with a sense of optimism, and hope for the future. While
it's true that a few doors have closed, I believe that others
have opened, and I think that tomorrow is looking brighter than
ever! Unless you're Rachael Ray, in which case, know this you
cheerful whore: Now that the media has given me an excuse to
openly oppose your tyrannical grip on this society, you will
come to
know my wrath. Oh yes, Rachael Ray, I am coming... Wherever you
are, whatever you do, always remember... I am coming.

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